Friday, December 31, 2010

seeing the old year out cold...hic!

The whole world and his wife knows
New Year's Eve falls on December 31st.

And it's not just my Mrs who knows
who usually falls just an hour or two later...







(I believe it's called 'last man standing - a round')
...drink, eh? what can I tell you. But I jest; no wife, no kids tonight (or any other night soon, come to think of it). Just 150 policemen, by all accounts - my temporary roommate's mates. At the 'Kamra Pub and Bar', District VIII. Does life get any better? Probably. Anyway, if I don't get to cop the odd feel, at least I can get to feel the odd cop, haha. Only joking.


Cheers to all, and a very Happy New Year!...

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Matthew, Mark, Lucan, John...

"Sorry, he's just popped out,
I'm afraid - but I can put
you on to Brenda"...









- in 1974, Richard Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan - the notorious 'Lord Lucan', suspected nanny murderer - disappears off the face of the earth, never to be seen again...










"Steering clear of bars and hostels, he's gone to ground between the Gospels." (Bugger me, if it's not the Lord. Not THAT one, of course.)  

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Christmas - a time of conciliation...

Jack and the beans talk -
and talk...and talk...and talk. Eventually,
after hours of heated negotiation,
it's the beans who are forced to climb down...









"thank God for ACAS," sighs Jack...

Monday, December 27, 2010

"Fish, Proud Flesh, Sourness!"

No, I've no idea either, but that's what the sign said. In Nagycsarnok, Budapest's 'Great (covered) Market'.
Straight into my all-time top ten of 'English-as-a-foreign-language' signs/slogans.
I think the motto I spied on a Taiwanese moped many moons ago still claims the much-vaunted number one spot:

"We Reach For The Sky. Neither Does Civilization."

I've still not cracked it...

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Félíz Návíműm ánd Đáđ - nőt łő ménłíőn łhé kíđs...

......................................**********************************
......................................ppychristmashappychristmas
......................................christmashappychristmashap
......................................ristmashappychristmashappy
......................................appychristmashappychristma
......................................istmashappychristmaschristm
......................................ashappychristmashappychrist
......................................ppychristmashappychristmas
......................................ychristmashappychristmasha
......................................hristmashappychristmashapp
......................................mashappychristmashappychr
......................................shappychristmashappychrist
......................................tmashappychristmashappych
......................................pychristmashappychristmash
......................................happychristmashappychristm

......................................**********************************


...happy holly-day greetings from the winter wonderland of 'Buddhapest'? - a destination promising some much needed spiritual nourishment. Or so I'd imagined. (Seems I'm still a martyr to my spelling issues.) Still, as nourishment goes, a ridiculously unbalanced and unvaried diet of goulash soup and mulled wine more than compensates - pretty good comfort food it is, too, to help overcome the embarrassment of the never-to-be-mentioned-again scam (see Dec 16 blog) - all the while happily(?) ensconced in a crumbling Soviet-style apartment in a crumbling Soviet-style apartment block together with a job lot from central casting including a Hungarian detective, a 'communications student' (he did explain - and very generously, too, over a bottle of wine - but I'm none the wiser) and a lesser-spotted French-Canadian wastrel. Lenhossék utca is where you'll find us - slightly to the left of the middle of nowhere. Does life get any better? (Jesus, I bloody hope so). Especially after that never-to-be-mentioned-again you know what.
Oh, happy daze...

the holly wreath...

funny how something
dead and berried somehow helps
bring Christmas to life...










('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

"a drop more of the Christmas spirit, vicar?"...

I crept downstairs ever so quietly, and what did I find? -
Granny, no less - feeling The Ghost of Christmas Past's
presence under the tree...





she never could spell





As Harry Hill would say: "which is best? - 'The Ghost of Christmas Past' or 'A Host of Christmas Presents'? - there's only one way to find out!"...

Monday, December 20, 2010

does anyone enjoy coming down within flue?...

narrow chimneys make
Santa claustrophobic - "use
the doors, Santa Claus!"













('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

"give it a shake - maybe it's world peace?"...

"Look! Under the christmas tree!
An enigma wrapped in a
conundrum! .But why?"...







(hey, maybe it's your mum inside - she likes living in the present, haha)









('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

the chattering classes...

bloody hell, it's cold out -
and I can't even grit my teeth...
(supplies have just about run out,
apparently)









(I'm sure this one must have been done by now, but, hey - it's new to me)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

pen: n. a female swan...

"héck, if thát's yőür implémént
óf chőicé, nő wóndér I cán't réád
yőür blöódy cygnétüré"...



- (The Eureka Moment) -

Laszlo Biro, born Budapest, Hungary, 1899 (if that's his pen name, heaven only knows what his real name was)













- taking the plume out of the nom de plume -

Friday, December 17, 2010

I prefer absence to presents...

my family know exactly what
to give me for Christmas -
a wide berth...


I've certainly dropped enough hints.








(more 'furthest and cheapest' than 'nearest and dearest', that's me - sort of a public service, really)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Gullible's Travels...

No matter how seasoned a traveller you are or how streetwise you kid yourself into thinking yourself to be, you're only ever a momentary lapse away from allowing life to shove a custard pie into your overly smug and well-travelled face. Again.
Today, on the streets of Budapest (well, just the one very wide and very deserted one, to be fair) I was the victim of - I have to say - a brilliantly executed scam involving a fake tourist, a fake policeman and some incredible sleight-of-hand. The 'custard pie' in this particular case was the loss of the best part of 100 pounds sterling in local currency. I don't normally carry such a substantial sum around with me, but a higher force than I had obviously been at work synchronising everything to perfection. Either that, or I'm a complete idiot.
The jury's out - but it shouldn't take them long.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

bugger! a $90 dinner for two - and still it's "no 'afters' for you, big boy"...

how come it's always the girl
who gets taken out, and the man who gets
taken in? or is it me?













'love and marriage'? sure, they go together - like 'a rose and sucker' - and no guessing who the sucker is...(sometimes the whine comes after the meal)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

marriage guidance...

"calling all downtrodden housewives!"...

- when it comes
to standing up for yourself,
a tack....












is the best form of defence...









(especially when placed in the old man's slippers)

Monday, December 13, 2010

once I looked good - now I look good and long...

"Not bad for sixty,"
I told my mirror. Trouble
is, I'm forty-two...












('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

online dating...

We shared a bottle
in cyberspace - and drained the
lot. Virtually...














'all that's left is the dregs,' she thought - looking at my photo...






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, December 10, 2010

just desserts?...

woe is me...

...just 5'8",
...just average looks,
...just 3 GCSE's,
...just a middling sportsman,
...just been abroad once,
...just Grade 2 piano,




- and now, as if that wasn't enough...















...just married.





ouch...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

old age - and an age-old problem...

love goes with marriage,
but who says sex-drive goes with
the passage of time?...









- "hey, not me, pal"...(said with a stiff upper lip - well, fairly stiff)




('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

yeah, I know...

he who knows he knows
nothing knows more than he who
thinks he knows it all...












('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world....

the best things in life are free -
overdraft facilities,
for example...

- to help pay for all the best things
in life that, well - aren't...









- credit where credit's due - up to £3000, if you smile nicely...

Monday, December 6, 2010

a look into the world of alternative proverbs...

-------- No. 71 --------

"two's company,
three's a monkey"...

---------------------------


(and that's just for a short time)









- to make a monkey is to make £500 - which, strangely enough, is pretty much the sum it takes to make a monkey of the punter...

"good things don't have to come in threes - neither do people." pun intended...

Sunday, December 5, 2010

evangelical tomes? - bugger'em...

there is more inspiration to be found
in a single blade of grass than
from a thousand leaves...














-

Friday, December 3, 2010

crhyme scene...

-
-
-
............................... -- R.I.P.ped to shreds --

CROSS. POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS. POLICE LINE DO NOT

.....................................here lies a body...................................
.............................of work, shot to pieces by.............................
..................................the heartless critics.................................

OLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS. POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS. D











('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

where there's a will there's a won't...

*********************************

falling out with my
old man has cost me an arm
and a legacy...

*********************************


(17 Syllables)


************************************************

"Be careful who you fall out with. It may
cost you an arm and a legacy"...

************************************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, July 30 and 'Quotes of the Day', Courier & Advertiser, July 31)