Saturday, April 30, 2011

conspiracy theories...

*************************************

Is Cilla Black? Was
Barry White? Was Marvin Gaye?
Who are they kidding?...

*************************************








- and as for George Strait, don't even go there...






(17 Syllables)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Royal Wedding: (Alternative) Order of Service...

************************************************^***************

..................................................1) Marry Kate.......

************************************************^***************

..................................................2) Forni Kate.......

************************************************^***************

..................................................3) Abdi Kate.......

************************************************^***************



---------------------------- Willy & Catheter: A Match Made In Heaven? ----------------------------



Apparently, some of Catherine's ancestors worked down the pit - so how does one address miner royalty?



What else would an old relic in a pub wish for other than a republic?- cheers!...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

quick fix? epoxy glue - a poxy solution...

****************************************

however strong the
glue you sniff, you'll come unstuck
sooner or later...

****************************************









('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

sound asleep, on the overnight bus...

****************************

sound travels at night -
it saves having to pay for
accommodation...

****************************









- as long as it's not aloud on board, of course...







('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, April 25, 2011

"hospital? - how did I get here, dad?"...

*******************************

You took a right - then
a sharp left - then another
left. Knocked out cold, son...

*******************************







(went flat-out all the way there, too, by all accounts - so to speak)





('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

castles in the air...

***********************************

"He lived here only
in his mind," stated the plaque.
A dream unfulfilled...

***********************************









('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

beyond that, they're rubbish...

*******************************

'cat's eyes' are one of
our greatest inventions, as
far as I can see...

*******************************







...which is a good 100 metres further than before, mind.






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, April 22, 2011

"ask, and it will be given" (Matthew 7:7)

*************************************

"He who is without
sin, let him cast...OUCH!. Very
funny, Jesus, lad"...

*************************************








-well, you did ask...





(The First Stone:'17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

D-Day - over the top...

parched mouth...
cold sweat...
limbs shaking...
can't swallow...
feelings of nausea...
clock ticking...

a minute to go...


40 seconds, 20...



10...







GO! GO! GO!...









"Hello, you must be Jane. I'm John"...









(D for 'Date' - Blind Date: '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

"he's not much good yet, is he, mummy?"...

*********************************

"Bless you, my child," said
the new Archbishop. - "But I
didn't sneeze!" cried Clare...

*********************************












('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

vath, lifestyle guru (by appointment)

***************************************

if you must cut out
something from 'wine, women and
song', make it the 'and'...

***************************************












('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, April 18, 2011

off the wall...

***********************************

"Don't ignore me! I'm
here!" screamed the graffiti. In
invisible ink...

***********************************







- this, and similar signs, can't quite be seen in all the best places...





(I'm As Sane As The Next Octopus: '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Matthew, Mark, Luke and - Ian?...

***********************************

"Whereunto shall I
liken the Kingdom of God? -
Leeds? - You're kidding, right?...

***********************************











('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, April 16, 2011

a veritable cacophony...

********************************

doctors' waiting rooms:
a ca-cough-cough-cophony
of flu sufferers...

********************************











('17 S-S-Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, April 15, 2011

criminal waste of time...

************************************************

"Is killing time a
crime?"..."Well, yes - two hours with your
mum would be murder"...

************************************************











('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

extinction...

the endangered dodo
the endangered dod
the endangered do
the endangered d
the endangered
the endangere
the endanger
the endange
the endang
the endan
the enda
the end...








(The Bottom Line - '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

a punishment to fit the crime...

*****************************

I'm a cereal
offender - so why the hell
should I do porridge?...

*****************************









("Cell Block H?" I asked. "Cell Block K," they scoffed - "Special K")





('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

high tree - low IQ...

*****************************

Is the coconut
a high fibre food? "Well, I
can't bloody reach it"...

*****************************










(17 Syllables)

Monday, April 11, 2011

forthcoming attraction: Sucker Punch [12A]...:

****************************************

talk about trailer
trash - heaven knows what the rest
of the movie's like...

****************************************













('The Trailer': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

a social butterfly...

**********************************

"I mix in all the
best circles, me. Just the one
square, though: Trafalgar"...

**********************************







- well, more of an anti-social pigeon, really...




(17 Syllables)

April 6: spend, spend, spend a nice day...

*******************************

Happy Financial
New Year! Many happy tax
returns to you all...

*******************************












(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

middle age, old age, cold storage...

*************************************

Cryonics? I think
not - my wife would just turn me
off. As she does now...

*************************************







- the seven ages of man: could it soon be eight?...




('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Wendy Wardrobe's one, two, three, foremost fashion favourites...

********************************

"my body feels great
in silk, tweed or wool - even
better when it's felt"...

********************************







- sometimes one's fashion statements reveal more than the fashions themselves...





(Material Possessions: '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Naked Gun...

*********************************

"Hold it right there!" barked
the policeman. "Well, maybe
not there," he added...

*********************************








('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, April 2, 2011

if the choux fits...

**************************************

"Beef Wellington for
me!" said Puss in Boots, "do you
have it in size 6?"

**************************************








(wrong pastry - ended up with a soggy bottom: my choux had a hole in it)









(17 Syllables)

Friday, April 1, 2011

three well-constructed lines...

***************************

The Piccadilly,
Bakerloo, Jubilee and
Circle. Oops, that's four...

***************************













('Four Long Lines': 17 Syllables)