Sunday, July 31, 2011

I'll save you the trouble...

***********************************

"All good things must come
to an end," they say. Bad things,
too, thank God. The End.

***********************************












(17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 30, 2011

what d'you want, blood?...

*******************************

'Educate, inform,
entertain': that's TV's brief...
(this verse is just brief)

*******************************











('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, July 29, 2011

the gentleman's club: 'needs must'...

******************************

"members only," the
loo door said - so I cut mine
off and threw it in...

******************************









- where spending a penny costs, well - more than just an arm and a leg...






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

fast food - not...

****************************************************

"I go by the name 'snail,' said the snail,
"and it takes me ages...

- to be absolutely honest,
it takes me ages to go by anything," he sighed...

***************************************************















- "ha!" scoffed the coach that went by the name 'express'. (Did I say 'went'? - I meant 'flew').

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

a bit of rough - and tumble...

*******************************

I fell from grace last
night - well, that's not entirely
true: she pushed me off...

*******************************












('17 Syllables plus re-mix)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

from a cow...

****************************

Milk can come from goats
or a sheep, but normally
it comes from Macau...

****************************








(a bit of a breakdown on the language front which brought a smile to my face recently. Vincent Hefter, China)






(17 Syllables)

Monday, July 25, 2011

the brass neck of the man (size 16, and counting)...

****************************

"hey, I'm the same size
I was twenty years ago! -
my ties all still fit!"...

****************************















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

and thus it all began...

***************************************

"Food for thought? - that sounds
like a good deal," mused Einstein.
So he thought some more...

***************************************
















('A Fair Swap': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

proof positive (70%, probably)

***********************************

"Sure, you've got a drink
problem - it's just that you're in
denial." - "No, I'm not"...

***********************************









- I'm off to the rice terraces for a couple of days; what passes for normal service might well be resumed upon my return. Cheers for now...




(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

one round too many...

*****************************

whenever I hit
the bottle, why's it me who
ends up on the floor?...

*****************************






- Ed: "stick to beer and avoid the punch, rum or otherwise"...




('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Pearl's a singer (when she's not, er, 'working')

******************************

Mulligatawny
won't interest Pearl Barley -
but a Scotch broth'll...

******************************









she's always right there, in the thick of it - and now I'm probably in the soup myself, just for admitting to knowing that...




('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, July 18, 2011

"they're watching me, I tell you!"...

*********************************

"mate, if the night does
have a thousand eyes, quit the
drugs - you're paranoid"...

*********************************















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

putting the 'ad' into triad...

*****************************

for endless Latin
fun, to 'nauseam' and 'hoc'
add infinitum...

*****************************














('Ad Infinitum':'17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, July 16, 2011

the driving licence...

*************************************

who needs a licence
just to drive someone round the
bend and up the wall?...

*************************************










- Sorry, did I say 'driving'? I meant 'marriage'...






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Talk about dodgy satnavs: my wife was trying to drive me
round the bend last night. Ended up driving me up the wall...
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, July 15, 2011

he's pretty benign, by all accounts...

**********************************

don't panic, Mrs -
that lump on your chest: it might
just be your husband.

**********************************








- it so often is...







('I'm more of a 'legs' man, myself': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

knights er, errant?...

*******************************

cross-dressing? - it's been
around since the days of the
knights in white satin...

*******************************











- original song written by The Moody Blues' Justin Hayward. This is the wayward version...






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

the job interview...

************************************

"Do as you would be
done by," you say? Great! I like
to be done by 5:00...

************************************









(I'm still waiting to hear)





('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

why the ring road? - beats me (hard - if I pay enough)

******************************************************

They've just opened a
spanking new S&M Dungeon on the ring road.
Well, not new, exactly.
Just spanking...

******************************************************












Not just any sex - S&M sex (with apologies to Marks and Sparks)...hence the, er, 'Marks'?...

Monday, July 11, 2011

no end of a good time...

***************************

Schubert's Unfinished
Symphony is a work that
still gives me endless...

***************************









it does what it says on the tin, I guess...






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

there's 'entertainment' - and there's 'do not enter' tainment...

*******************************

Christ, I'm getting old -
I knew that Adult Shop when
it was still a child!...

*******************************

















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, July 9, 2011

I am bitious!...

******************************

To reach the top as
a chauffeur you have to be
driven. - "But by whom?"...

******************************














- for a long career on the road, try not to career off it - not too often, at least...

Friday, July 8, 2011

a two-course* meal - and on to the casino...

*********************************

when we gamble, we
sure make a meal of it: piles
of chips and large stakes...

*********************************








*(the courses? - Ascot and Lingfield, preferably)






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

putting the 'fun' into fungus...

******************************

magic mushrooms are
great! - especially with red
or brown saucery...

******************************

















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

the ongoing economic crisis...

************************************

"who doesn't struggle
putting food on the table
these days?" - "er - waiters?"...

************************************



















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

the set meal - well, not quite set, in the jelly's case...

*****************************

I love mange-tout, but
I couldn't eat a whole one.
I love blancmange-too...

*****************************
















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, July 4, 2011

wearing your art on your sleeve...

*******************************

Picasso's desire
to put his money where his
nose was sure paid off...

*******************************














- in the blink of an ear: from PICASSO (born 1881) to PICA$$000,000 (died 1973).





(17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

reincarnation - a man can dream, right?...

**************************************

'what form would I like
to come back in?' - "why, the 6th
at St Trinian's!"...


**************************************














('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, July 2, 2011

terminal...

******************************

dead on time, or dead
on arrival? - one's a crime,
one is survival...

******************************















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, July 1, 2011

sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll...

********************************

life was a bowl of
cherries in the 60's - and
most of them were stoned...

********************************









- "it sure as hell beat the daze of wine and roses, pal"...






('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)