Wednesday, August 31, 2011

economic slooooow-down...

***********************************

my expenses don't
run to swank hotels now...they
crawl - to B & B's...

***********************************














('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

when every day's a "when?"sday...

******************************

our priest's become so
confused, he doesn't even
know what deities...

******************************















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, August 29, 2011

the 'old boot' sale - (un)sold as seen...

****************************************

I raised 197 pounds at our church's
bring & buy sale yesterday...twice.
(Lifting the Mrs out of the car -
and then back in again...unsold.)

****************************************











- bless her, that's just over 14 stone: she's more of a backbreaker than a heartbreaker, really...










"Sexism - alive and well, and just back from China"...

Sunday, August 28, 2011

good save...

****************************

I've always been a
fan of Kylie, me - what a
great body. Of work...

****************************
















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 27, 2011

from yummy mummy to, er, yummy money...

*************************************

it could be good news
if your wife leaves you (depends
how much she leaves you)

*************************************













"no, son, it's not romance that's dead - it's your mother"...








('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, August 26, 2011

do unto others...

********************************

he who has the world
at his feet should be careful
not to tread on it...

********************************

















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

when 'flat mate' means 'horizontal husband'...

*****************************

lazy husbands try
to get out of everything
(except bed, of course)

*****************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

the prophylactic...

********************************

if you're wanting safe
sex and feel you can't put it
off - then put it on...

********************************




















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

the, er, "no!" of volcano...

*******************************

Bugger! - I tried to
Mount Etna yesterday, but
She wouldn't let me...

*******************************









- damn near blew her top, in fact...







('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, August 22, 2011

the divorce settlement...

****************************************

Bloody wife! Nothing
but a damned housekeeper. (She's
sure as hell kept mine)

****************************************









me? - all I got was the dog...







(17 Syllables)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Jack the Lad, codebreaker extraordinaire...

*******************************

of course I've got a
moral code - trouble is, it's
dead easy to crack...

*******************************
















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 20, 2011

warning: male nudity (may contain nuts)

*****************************************

'adult content,' warned
the sign...too right! - it sure made
this adult content!...

*****************************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, August 19, 2011

army surplus? - barmy surplus, more like...

************************************

if it costs you a
hundred pounds to fill your tank,
change it for a car...

************************************












It's War!: Hit by Shell! - and, er, Esso...









('5-Star General Motors': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 18, 2011

"Houston, we have a problem"...

**************************************

if 'a breadwinner'
brings home the bacon, who the
heck brings home the bread?...

**************************************











(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

welcome to the drug-riddled 21st Century...

****************************

bugger me, if "the
fabric of society"

these days isn't hemp!...

****************************

















('Immaterial Possessions': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

asking for her hand (but not in marriage, exactly)

*********************************

my girlfriend stood me
up again last night - I need
some help when I'm pissed...

*********************************









(she never lets me down - I tend to do that myself)







('The Fall Guy': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, August 15, 2011

'if it's not on, it's just not on' - yeah, right...

******************************

"Safe sex? I wish!" - could
I pull it off? (Or would she
make me keep it on?)

******************************
















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

enjoy yourself yesterday? - No, I enjoyed someone else...

*********************************

Did I entertain
a girl in my room last night?
No. We just had sex...

*********************************
















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

the London riots: what price education?...

***********************************************

never mind teaching
your kids right from wrong, 'right from
left' would be a start...

***********************************************












('Education - it ain't just for 'Edmasters': 17 Syllables)

Friday, August 12, 2011

altruistic recidivism...

*******************************

sure, I know that crime
doesn't pay - but I can still
be a volunteer...

*******************************










the wages of sin? what wages? - there are no bloody wages...








(17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

there's a 1,209th time for everything...

*****************************

I've never told a
lie in my life, me - this is
my first one ever...

*****************************









(everyone tells lies - I know I haven't)







('Putting the ill into illogical':17 Syllables)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

lies, damned lies - and love...

*************************************

behind all great men
lies a great woman - through her
teeth: "that was fab, hun!"...

*************************************









(it's different at night, mind - at night they'll lie beneath them)





(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

out of the frying pan...

********************************

"Damn! I've just been kicked
out of the Kennel Club. Now
I'm in the doghouse"...

********************************














(17 Syllables)

Monday, August 8, 2011

Classic FM: the sound of sound asleep...

********************************

when the radio's
all you turn on at night - the
honeymoon's over...

********************************










Hits and Misses: having listened to the Mrs all day, I stick to the hits at night...







('Turn her on? - I can't even turn her over': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, August 7, 2011

a dress code? - on the Underground?...

**********************************

"Earl's Court, change here for
the Northern Line - that jacket
can go for starters"...

**********************************
















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

global warning...

**********************************

Deforestation? -
slow death. A mass-acre...by
acre - and acre...


**********************************

















(17 Syllables plus)

Friday, August 5, 2011

the senryu: a road less travelled...

*********************

a logical path
for a pathological
punster: 3-liners...

*********************














(17 Sillybillybles)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

sex a peel...

*************************************

"cellulite, you say? -
then you'd best stay clear of the
heavy-duty stuff"...

*************************************















('Orange Peel Syndrome': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

the floodgates open, the coffin disappears...

******************************************

"I move people - to
tears...and beyond," said the hearse,
"but very slowly"...

******************************************















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Jacques-of-all-trades...

*********************************

Jack's a sheet metal
worker - in fact, he's sheet at
most things, I'm afraid...

*********************************









- and now it's back to Hong Kong for a couple of days' R&R. And 'an iced vanilla coffee jelly caffe latte' (it takes almost as long to say it as to drink it). I must be getting old - I can remember when a coffee was, well, pretty much a coffee...





(17 Syllables)

Monday, August 1, 2011

ploughing a lonely furrow...

******************************

"sure, I'm a people
person - I've simply not met
the right people yet"...

******************************
















(17 Syllables)