Wednesday, September 28, 2011

there's no excuse for domestic violence...

***********************************

A true Alpha male
shouldn't ever feel the need
to Beta woman...

***********************************








(I'm away for a few days - see you soon, after a short break)









(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

sex drive...

****************************************

"Humps for half a mile,"
read the sign. Wow! So that's how
far 'all the way' is...

****************************************











(well, she did say "go to town" - it was nearer than I thought)











(17 Syllables)

Monday, September 26, 2011

I wouldn't know - and the Vatican't say...

************************************

Murdering the Pope? -
might that be one step up from
a Cardinal sin?...

************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, September 25, 2011

miniatures...

***********************************

if a picture paints
a thousand words, can a small
one paint a haiku?...

***********************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

to the nearest and cheapest - with my nearest and dearest...

****************************************

bloody staycations! -
our damned cash now goes further
than we ever do...

****************************************










- at least I get positively exhausted these days ( I may be spent, but my money's not)









(17 Syllables)

Friday, September 23, 2011

wine, women and - well, more wine...

******************************

I can't hold a note
for the life of me. But, boy,
can I hold a glass!...

******************************










- 'song'?...forget it! (I'm not even sure about the 'women' bit, to be honest)









(17 Syllables)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

the master baiter...

************************************************

"tell me, within five
years, when Bach was born, boy" - "can't
I tell you now, sir?"...

************************************************

















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

it's a niche markte [sic] [as a prraot?]...

*****************************

out of print, stock...and
order: Merriam-Webster's
first dyslexicon...

*****************************










(less of an A - Z, more of a Q - F)









(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

innuendon't! - innuendo - innuendon't! - oh, OK, then...

*******************************

we love kissing and
making up: she never goes
down without a fight...

*******************************

















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, September 19, 2011

a football manager should mind his right back, his left back and his own back...

**************************************

"I'm right behind him,"
avowed the Club Chairman, "how
else can I stab him?"...

**************************************










- When a vote of confidence mean sweet F.A. Appropriate enough, I suppose...








(17 Syllables)

Sunday, September 18, 2011

rye humour? - yeah, sort of...

*******************************

are all bounders who
sow their wild oats cereal
philanderers, then?...

*******************************

















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

"come again?" - and again...and again?...

******************************

safe sex is great, if
you manage to pull it off...
- "um, I think you'll find"...

******************************









(talk about an immaculate misconception)








(17 Syllables)

Friday, September 16, 2011

mimeographs: where are they now?...

Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo,
Roneo...

Wherefore art thou, Roneo?....









My very first "proper job, like" was at the BBC (Circulation Publicity Dept.) and stencil copying/duplicating on the already ancient Roneo machine was one of the many unsought-after responsibilities of yours truly, the up and thrusting (ie: spotty) office junior - now, sadly, as ancient as the Roneo was then. These many years later, if I close my eyes, I can still hear the sound of the old Roneo clanking away. Happy days...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

four foot two, eyes of blue...

*****************************************

if a mini-skirt
suits you down to the ground, it's
not a mini-skirt...

*****************************************





(if a mini-skirt suits you down to the ground, then it's far too long)






(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Captain Morgan...

****************************

no wonder he ran
a tight ship - the bottle it
was in contained rum...

****************************










"t'was as tight as a newt, and really minute"...








('Ship in a Bottle': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A Midsummer Night's Dream - the musical...

***********************************

A Frenchman acting 'Bottom'
In London's something rare -
They all now sing his praises:
'The London Derriere'!...

***********************************











('The Londonderry Air': 17 Syllables)

Monday, September 12, 2011

the (ad)vice squad...

************************************

"if it's not on, it's
just not on" - condoms come in
packs, you come in them...

************************************




















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

a patient potato awaits its night out...

*********************************

the potato's in
its jacket, but, dear God, the
salad's still not dressed!...

*********************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, September 10, 2011

down-to-earth with a "sshhhhhh"...

**********************************

some trees shed leaves - it's
autumnatic - so spring comes
as a great releaf...

**********************************
















('17 Syllables' plus re-mix)

Friday, September 9, 2011

er, that's a change of heart, not body...

*************************************

should Transformers who
commit a crime turn themselves
into the police?...

*************************************

















('Robocops': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

making a good fist of lovemaking...

***********************************

I like to keep my
hand in when it comes to sex -
bloody tight fit, though...

***********************************











(well, not always bloody)








(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

"what d'you want, blood diamonds?"...

********************************

"of course they're only
cheap earrings - it was only
a bling & buy sale"...

********************************
















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

tall, dark - and bloody bad-tempered...

********************************

"And lucky I am
to be tall, too" (it hurts less
when I hit the roof)

********************************









- who needs 'handsome', anyway?...









('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Monday, September 5, 2011

dumb belles - all brawn, no brains, bless'em...

*********************************

"Gym's great! Running up
bills is no problem now - and
our gym's are quite steep!"...

*********************************
















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

if you're going to be late, be pretty late - very pretty late...

***********************************

time and tide wait for
no man - but they might for a
lass who's a looker...

***********************************











('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

from 'island' to 'wasland'...

************************************

Atlantis is no
more - it was swallowed by the
sea. Atlantisn't?
************************************


















('17 Syllabes plus' re-mix)

Friday, September 2, 2011

'down' as in eider, fed as in 'up'...

****************************

"Kiss my arse," said the
duck. I did. No wonder I
feel down in the mouth...

****************************












('The parson's nose': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

there are fatalities - and very fatalities...

*******************************

Obesity - the
life-cycle: Small...M...L...X
L...XXL...ex

*******************************









did I say 'fatalities'? - better make that 'overweightalities'...political correctness, and all that...









('Reduced to Size': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)