Monday, April 30, 2012

some right-hand men have lousy right hands...

***************************

I played the devil's
advocate yesterday. At
darts. He was rubbish...

***************************





















(17 Rather Sillybles)

Sunday, April 29, 2012

and now for something completely different...

******************************

nothing says "sorry,
I don't get it" more than a
broken thermos flask...

******************************












"Sorry, I don't get it"...













"Bingo!"...









(also said to work with 'hot water bottle' and 'intravenous drip': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 28, 2012

castles in the air...

**********************************

"a 'dream' home, you say? -
don't waste our time, we only
deal in real estate"...

**********************************


















('Get Real' Estate: 17 Syllables)

Friday, April 27, 2012

it's cheese 'n' onion that turns the Mrs on...

******************************

I was burnt to a
crisp on holiday. Bugger -
salt and vinegar...

******************************



















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

V for Victory! (or, ahem, viagra)

******************************

Footballers rejoice
when they've a semi under
their belt. Me? I blush...

******************************











(Chelsea beat Barcelona in their Champions League semi-final last night)












('Onwards and upwards - or downwards, in my case': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

"I've never had to face the music, either"...

************************************

I never look at
my wife when I make love - we
wait till she's gone out...

************************************





















('My Lover Fair': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

hard to swallow (a bit like the food)

*******************************

"You are what you don't
eat, loser. It's been on the
shelf for years - like you"...

*******************************


















(17 Syllables)

Monday, April 23, 2012

a singleton's larder...

*******************************************

we are what we
eat - most of my grub spends far too
long on the shelf, too...

*******************************************



















('A Lot in Common': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, April 22, 2012

"a verse to the London Marathon" (and yes, I am averse to it)

**************************

As for last year's race,
I was all but gone after
about 7 miles...

---------------o----------------

...so I switched over
to BBC 2 and caught
most of Scooby-Doo.

**************************









(ok, make that 2 verses)











('Never mind the final killer-metres, the first few are pretty draining, too': a doubled-up 17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

love 3-liners, hate liners...

**********************************

of course the cruise was
rubbish - what do you expect
from a bin liner?...

**********************************





















('And Not Even a Pedal Bin?': 17 Syllables)

Friday, April 20, 2012

may we? - "mais oui!"...

*******************************

French kissing's just the
start! "Amour the merrier!"
- bring on the orgy!...

*******************************

















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, April 19, 2012

love bites...

**************************************

if you are fond of cheese fondue,
and cheese fondue is fond of you,
does it eat you
or you eat it...
or each just eat a little bit?

**************************************


















when melted cheese and melting heart just cannot bear to be apart: the love goes on...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Original Brown Ale...

*******************************

Mann's best friend? Any
punter who downs a dozen
of their very best...

*******************************











('John Smith's Bitter - And Who Wouldn't Be?': 17 Syllables)





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the perfect accompaniment to an after-dinner speech...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whilst on the subject of drink, here's one for talkSPORT listeners: do you think well-known imbiber and current breakfast presenter Alan Brazil initially applied to work there because he thought the station was called talksPORT? Just a thought...



Tuesday, April 17, 2012

a slang term (er, better make that a 'slag' one)

*****************************

'aye candy'? what's 'aye
candy'? - try 'a pretty girl
who never says no'
...

*****************************






















(17 Sillybilly'bles)

Monday, April 16, 2012

any chance of a stitch in time and a half, boss?...

************************************

"What's it like, working
in that sweatshop?" I asked Lu.
"Sew-sew. Just sew-sew"...
************************************





















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

me? deep in thought? - in your dreams, pal...

*********************************

I'm not scared of heights,
me. Just depths. As a result,
I'm dead shallow, like...

*********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

replied - or just lied?...

******************************************

You must have been quite
sexy once," she teased. "Far more
than once," I replied...

******************************************










('Sex and the Settee': 17 Syllables)

Friday, April 13, 2012

are troops addressed before they're posted?...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the class divide was very evident amongst the post war generation -
------------------------or 'the 1st & 2nd class post
-------------------war generation', as it became known...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




















--- forget mail order, think 'social order' ---

Thursday, April 12, 2012

putting the 'less' into 'ruthless'...

***********************************

I'm a risk taker,
me. I took five last week - and
most weren't even mine...

***********************************






















('Ruth by Nature - Not By Name': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

the ancient mariner, marinated...

********************************

I'll drink anything,
laddie. Any port in a
storm: sweet, dry, vintage...

********************************


















("out of a schooner, preferably - mine": 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

one certainly hopes so...

*******************************

Harlequins v Wasps:
(18). Contains violence and
partial nudity...

*******************************


















(15 Players - 17 Syllables - 1 iPlayer)

Monday, April 9, 2012

seems I'm in hot water - again...

***********************************

she calls me her 3
minute egghead - dead clever,
but lousy in bed...

***********************************




















(And No, She Didn't Mean 'Not Quite Hard Enough': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, April 8, 2012

midweek at the knees...

***************************************

"spontaneous sex? -
love it!" (we've got some pencilled
in for next Wednesday)

***************************************



















('The Diary Maid [sic - with anticipation]': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

"oh, right, Easter"...

************************************

"that moveable feast? -
I thought you meant sushi - on
a conveyor belt"...

************************************












(going round at such a snail's pace, it's not exactly fast food, is it?)












("How Do You Like Your Eggs?" - "Er, Covered in Chocolate, Please": 17 Syllables)

Friday, April 6, 2012

neighbourhood watch & the hosepipe ban...

**************************************

if there's grass on your
neighour's lawn, but no grass on
yours - then grass on him...

**************************************










- poetic justice, right?...











('Looking Forlorn? - There's One Next Door': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

are you into clean living?...

*****************************************************

Try James & Sons, a Unique Estate Agency
--------Long Renowned for its Exclusive
---------------------Anti-Bacterial
-----------------------Properties

*****************************************************










(not to mention the odd Germolene-to)











(For properties that really are as safe as, er, houses)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

in fact, I'd go to any widths to avoid them...

*******************************

I've never been scared
of heights - if anything, I'm
more wary of lengths...

*******************************



















(17 Sillybles)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Peak travel...

****************************************

"Yes!" The guard blew his
whistle. "Climber bored," he yelled.
I was. So I did...

****************************************

















('The One-Day Mountain Pass': 17 Syllables)

Monday, April 2, 2012

the give'em-all-the-bootiful game...

****************************

role models, my arse:
form is temporary, (lack
of) class permanent...

****************************






















('Spitting Image(s)': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, April 1, 2012

(P)raise the Lord!...

*************************************

"Shove in the oven
for two hours - gas mark 5 - and
yo, Christ is risen!"...

*************************************










- it's all about following the recipe. Religiously...










('The Well-Bread 'Star in the (Y)east'. Spread the Word - not the Butter': 17 Syllables)