Saturday, July 28, 2012

the couch potato: ready, get settee, go!...

*******************************

the first part of a
marathon's OK - it's those
last killermetres...

*******************************











- talking of marathons, it's time now to take a break as, at long last, London's very own televisual marathon - the 2012 Olympiad - takes centre stage. Normal, dull, routine service will be resumed as soon as we've all calmed down again. Enjoy!...











(Better a Couch Potato than "Ouch!" Potato (otherwise known as 'the 26.2 mile scenic root vegetable')'17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Friday, July 27, 2012

TripAdvisor's (dented) bumper year...

**************************************************************************


(that's what comes of hitting milestones)


**************************************************************************


"We've hit a milestone - thanks to you," read their e-mail to me...


"Hey, it's not my fault," I replied, "you should drive more carefully".


**************************************************************************


True story (dull, but true)...


I just thought it quite funny (if I say so myself). I think the milestone 
they were referring to was their 75,000,000th review or opinion. 


Just one of which - the crucial one, no doubt - was mine.


*************************************************************************



Thursday, July 26, 2012

start as you mean to go on...

**********************************

when paparazzo
met his mamarazzo - well, 
what else: they just clicked...

**********************************



















('Snap!': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

a narrow (and rather high-pitched) squeak...

******************************

"a cat flap! - it's a
kitty catastrophe! - that's
it, I'm outta here!"...

******************************


(Anonymouse)




















('Getting into a (Cat) Flap': 17 Rather Sillybles)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

putting the size into sizemology...

*****************************

me, I'm a massive
animal lover - though I
lost four lbs last week...

*****************************










- can't say I love massive animals, though...













(Sizemology - that's the study of fat people, right?: 17 Syllables)

Monday, July 23, 2012

it's the voices in me 'ead, m'lud - I'd miss 'em...

*************************************

plead insanity,
mate - with luck you'll end up in
a padded cellphone...

*************************************





















('Prison -It's a Pretty Hard Sell': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 22, 2012

it was either that or a conservatory...

*************************************

"penis extensions
aren't that cheap - but my semi
looks so much better"...

*************************************



















('One Up, One Downmanship': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 21, 2012

"can I tuck in before you tuck me in?"...

*************************************

"It's After Eight, mum...
that's not chocolate - that's still
choco quite early"...

*************************************




















('After Eight Mints': 17 Syllables)

Friday, July 20, 2012

that superheroes first eleven, it's one short...

***************************

what use are X-Men? - 
don't you need X1-Men
for a football team?...

***************************


















('The First X1': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, July 19, 2012

impossible is nothing...

***********************************

"Can you run a mile
in 4 minutes?" - "Sure can. Or
now, if you prefer"...

***********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

when the kneader rises, he checks the stove...

****************************

if half a loaf
is better than naan,
is a bit a bread
better than pita bread?...

****************************


















(wit - like bread - is best when it's wry)

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

No 10 (but not in the charts)

***********************************

Liberty X were
poor  - as were their previous
1X incarnations...

***********************************



















('UnRomantic Numerals': 17 Syllables)

Monday, July 16, 2012

2012 Olympics: The Four Site Saga...

***************************************

well, at least we're safe -
missiles have been placed at four
sites around London...

***************************************









- with apologies to John Galworthy (bugger, I've just hear it may be six sites - but hey, never let the truth get in the way of a good title)











('The Forsyte Saga': 17 Sillybillybles)

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Dr Dolittle - or Dr Doolally?...

*******************************

I've snogged elephants....
hippos....and rhinos - I just
love heavy petting!...

*******************************









(almost as much as I hate insex)












('Zoo Magazine - A Magazine For Not So Gentlemen': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 14, 2012

the beautiful game...

*******************************************

"f*** off, you black c***,
(swearword) black (expletive) - you're
f*****, c*** (expletive)"...

*******************************************





(To quote John Terry/Anton Ferdinand from yesterday's headline  news)











- whoever said 'beauty lies in the eye of the beholder' sure wasn't lying. (John Terry has been found not guilty of being a racist. Perhaps he, too, had lied in the eye to the face of the chief magistrate?) At least we now know what the 'FC' of Chelsea FC stands for...









('Premiership - Or English Defence League?': 17 Syllables)

Friday, July 13, 2012

a dosa reality - masala style...

********************************

chap and chapati?...
what's that, then - an Indian
Mr and Mrs?...

********************************











- er, I think you'll find that's Papadom and Mamadom...











(17 Rather Sillybles)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

scared? me? - I was sh*tting brix...

**********************************

"I just love Brixton!"
I lied. (A white lie - does that
make me a racist?)

**********************************





















('Not So Much a Suburb, More an ethniCity Centre': 17 syllables)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

if a little won't do, then a lot'll...

************************************

how d'you fancy a
nage Artois? - just you, me,
and a Stella á trois...

************************************











- when 'giving it large' means giving it lager...












(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

"BRAKING" NEWS! (for real)

**************************************

Today's a rest day
in the Tour de France. 'Arrest
day,' more like. - Drugs! Again!...

**************************************









Talk about wheeler dealing!  Too much dealing, not enough wheeling - seems it's a certain Remy di Gregorio who's been nabbed this time...










(17 Syllables)

un-'pack my sandwich!'...

***********************************

I hate butties that
are jam-packed with flavour - I
much prefer marmite...

***********************************




















('I'm The Jammie Dodger, Me': 17 Syllables)

Monday, July 9, 2012

'highly strung' (by, er, Alfred, Lord Tennison)

*************************************

it's Wimbledon, and
Murray's racquet's pretty tense:
60 lbs, I'm told...

*************************************













Murray feels his racquet's tension...the crowd feel his...the umpire calls "play"...and well, no wonder they call his opponent The International Tennis Federeration (aka: the governing 'body' that never breaks sweat).













('Roger And Out, Andy': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 8, 2012

"NE1 4 10 S?" - is that a code violation?...

***************************

"Nadal's never lost
a final to Murray? - So 
what, neither have I"...

*************************** 



















('Never Eaten A Sheep's Heart, Either': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 7, 2012

moving furniture? - well, it moved me...

***************************

"you wrote an essay
on Art Deco furniture? -
that's graffiti, right?"...

***************************












(cutting out paper, not cutting down trees)












('Note The Well-Crafted Geometric Lines': 17 Syllables)

Friday, July 6, 2012

'third-world' wars - a children's plague-round...

*************************************

a plague on rogue states -
arming young kids to form their
'third-world infantries'...

*************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, July 5, 2012

the big questions...

************************************

If HAND stands for Have
A Nice Day, who stands for the
National Anthem?...

************************************




















('Acronyms? - I Wouldn't Stand For Them': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

2 liners, 3-liners, whatever...

***********************************

are the QE11
and the Queen Mary what you
call 'relationships'?...

***********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

when a noise annoys (it shouldn't be allowed aloud)

*********************************

"it's decibel hell!" -
does snoring have to be the
sound of sound asleep?...

*********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Monday, July 2, 2012

"hey, give us a break"down truck...

*****************************************

when someone needs a
hand, why charge them an arm and
a leg for a tow toe?...

*****************************************



















('Footing The Bill': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Sunday, July 1, 2012

man flu - it's the new monia...

************************************

"you've had a week off!" -
"it was more than a wee cough,
boss - I nearly died"...

************************************

















(17 Syllables)