Friday, November 30, 2012

football - and a life or death decision...

*********************************

pity the striker
who doesn't know whether to
pass or shoot himself...

*********************************




















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

bread and a red...

**************************************

"can you toast baguettes?" -
"of course, but you have to toast
the bride and groom first"...

**************************************















(17 Syllables)

Monday, November 26, 2012

girl, interrupted...

*************************************

the sex worker puts
down her book - hours later, she
picks up a disease...

*************************************





















('Belle, Book and Candelabra': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

my next desti-Nation......

*******************************

Gambi - Gambia -
Gambiest - clearly, a Land
still developing...

*******************************











Dear Reader - the time has come to 'up sticks' for a few weeks and head for foreign climes again...a repeat visit to the aforementioned 'Land still developing', to be precise. I shall, of course, be posting the odd blog - well, no odder than usual - but not on quite such a regular basis, you'll be glad to hear.

May the force be with you...













('A Developing Country': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

"I SHALL go clubbing!"...

*******************************

mum and dad said "NO!"...
but a double negative's
a 'yes', right? - "see ya!"...

*******************************




















('Where There's a Will There's a Way': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

strangers in the night...

********************************

bloody bed bugs!...I
hate it when I hit the sack -
and the sack hits back...

********************************











(beds are for sleep 'n' sex...not "no sleep 'n' insex")











(A Parasite for Sore Eyes? Nope - just Sore Bodies': 17 Syllables)

Monday, November 19, 2012

Yu Tel Mi...

*********************************

how come Chairman Mao's
little-read book had quite so
much influence, then?...

*********************************




















('Mao's Little Red Book': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

my blood's IQ? 82 (that's thicker than water)

***************************

my dream? - to be an
idiot savant...and I'm
told I'm halfway there...

***************************









(not, alas, a news
exclusive: the 'savant' bit
remains elusive)












('One Step at a Time': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, November 17, 2012

sustainable fishing...

****************************************

does fish in a great 
sauce mean more than fish from a
responsible one?...

****************************************












(to some fishermen, it's all about net profit: 'the bigger the net, the greater the profit')













('Oops, I've just eaten my words - delicious!': 17 Syllables)

Friday, November 16, 2012

Channel 4: laughter, the best medicine...

***************************

They've made a film of
my mastectomy. It's a
one-off. The left one...

***************************











- "that's all very deadpan - now fetch me a bedpan"...











('The Documentary': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

beaten only by the whip...

*************************************

Frankel never had
a mare on the racecourse - he'll
have a fair few now!...

*************************************










...and, with stud fees at £125,000 a pop, he'd better perform (news item today)












('The Greatest Ever?': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

you just can't beat a hoover...

*************************************

You just can't beat a
good carpet. Well, you can, but
no-one does these days...

*************************************




















('The Hoover:  it beats as it sweeps as it cleans': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

come the fall...

********************************

can't get to sleep? - just
lie on the edge of the bed,
mate - you'll soon drop off...

********************************

















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

loose change, even looser tongue...

 ********************************

"Money talks," they say.
Mine just nitpicks - it's very
petty cash, sadly...

********************************

















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

USA's future: WITH or WITHOUT Romney?

******************************************

"Mit or mit'out?" as
the Germans say - "Mitt out!" came
the cry from the States...

******************************************










- close, but no cigar, Mr Romney...











('Mitt Romney Fails to Unseat Obama': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

then wait - till he's out of the woods?...

************************************

a criminal on
the run could do far worse than
go straight to the copse...

************************************




















('Stay clear of the beeches, mind - the copper beeches': 17 Syllables)

Monday, November 5, 2012

Bonfire Night: take care, for Fawkes' sake!...

***************************************

Don't forget to douse
those fires! - "Ember, Ember, the
Fifth of November"...

***************************************












...just a recommendation - but a glowing one. At least, I think it's still glowing...












('The Embers, November 5th': 17 Sillybillybles)

Saturday, November 3, 2012

the ones that arose between two thorns?...

********************************

"Roses? - who needs 'em? -
as a matter of fact I
much prefer cacti"...

********************************













- 'twasn't the rose that gave me a prick, 'twas the prick who gave me a rose...












('Who Said Romance Is Dead? - er, Me': 17 Syllables)

Friday, November 2, 2012

me? - I can't even turn on the Mrs...

**********************************

a car that can turn
on a sixpence must have one
hell of a sex drive...

**********************************










(to coin a phrase - an obsolete coin, admittedly)












("No, Only 4-Wheel Drive Comes As Standard": 17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 1, 2012

canine canoodles...

***********************************

hey, who's counting? - "if
your labradores poodles, you'll
get labradoodles"...

***********************************









QED!...(quite enthusiastic doggies)












("Bow-Wow-WOOW!" Slobbers The Labrador: 17 Syllables)