Thursday, February 28, 2013

just how far IS 'all the way'?...

**********************************

Jane slipped her dress off
and said "go to town". When I
got back, she was gone...

**********************************



















('If she gives you the slip, don't try it on': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

for 'binoculars' read 'rose-tinted glasses'...

************************************************

"I'm dead close to my
kids, me." - "God, dad, put those damned
binoculars down"...

************************************************.










- where there's a will there's a (far, far?) a way...











("The Father the Better, Dad": 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

snooze control - looze control...

***********************************

a mag1st.rate is
never court napping (for that's
a mag2nd.rate)

***********************************


















('Court' Napping: 17 Syllables)

Monday, February 25, 2013

you've seen 'The Bible' - now check out 'The Prequel' (PG)...

**************************************

"In the beginning,
was the Word, right?...Now, even
before the Word, folks..."

**************************************










- hey, it's Hollywood...











("Missed the film - read the book, though": 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 24, 2013

the speed of sound...

********************************

well, at least with a
sonic boomerang you won't
get caught unawares...

********************************

















('That's One Hell of an Arm You've Got There, Mate': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 23, 2013

I think we both had kittens...

*************************************

"the cat burglar's set
the alarm off!" - damn! I missed
him by a whisker...

*************************************



















(17 Syllables)

Friday, February 22, 2013

I hate Big Max [sic - often violently]

***************************************

"fancy a Big Mac?"
asked my doctor, "I'll treat you." -
"you may well have to"...

***************************************

















(17 Syllables)

PS: one of my all-time favourite jokes (sung to the tune of 'Old MacDonald Had a Farm')...'Old MacDonald Had Dyslexia, E,I,E,J,Q'...

Thursday, February 21, 2013

"mind the windfall!" - oops...

****************************************

just a thought, but I
wonder what shape pears go when
everything goes wrong....

****************************************

















('Disappear-shaped?': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

self-fulfilling prophecy...

*********************************

I wanted to make
love so badly last night. And
I did. So badly...

*********************************


















('Careful What You Wish For': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

patience is a virtue...

****************************************

"what you see is what
you get, luv" she said - "great! but
when will I get it?"...

****************************************




















('On a Promise': 17 Syllables)

Monday, February 18, 2013

(in)conceivably so...

**************************************

if billets-doux were
French letters, would they be the
post of post-coital?...

**************************************




















('Amour the Merrier': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 17, 2013

yeah - not sure which stream, though...

*************************************

if they're common dab,
are you sure their school of fish
is a grammar school?...

*************************************



















('The Common Dab (Limanda limanda)': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 16, 2013

on the seabed...

***********************************

a plaice that knows it's
a flatfish is a flatfish
that knows it's plaice, right?...

***********************************

















('Eyes Right!' (both of them): 17 Syllables)

Friday, February 15, 2013

an 'air'loom to (not) die for?...

*****************************************

only a living
artist can draw breath - though who
would want to  buy it?...

*****************************************



















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Marriage: 25 Years - Silver; 30 Years - Pearl...

*************************************

"I'll give romance the 
kiss of life!" - so he downed ten
pints and kissed the wife...

*************************************









...35 Years - Jade(d)











('Valentine's Day': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

the plot I hope never to lose...

**************************************

there's no better place
to mind your peas and cues than
on the allotment...

**************************************















('Peas and Cucumbers Quiet': 17 Syllables)



*************************************************************************

First, the Horsemeat Scandal (Tomorrow, the Trots?)

From farm to fork, is
it beef, lamb or pork? Pass the
sauce - I hear it's horse...


(so "horses for courses" presumably means 
the mane course and the horse d'oeuvres?...)

*************************************************************************


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

an out-of-order on the border order...

*************************

live on the edge: walk
into a singles bar and
ask for a double...

*************************


















(17 Syllables)

Monday, February 11, 2013

three score years and tentative...

**************************************

if life's a jigsaw,
well, then I'm thrilled to (perhaps
half of its) pieces...

*************************************








- it's all about knowing where you fit in...










('The Yin and the Yang of a Very Long Span': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 10, 2013

"we're all-in" (the same boat)

*********************************

yes, life is tough - but
galley slaves endured many
more hard ships than you...

*********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 9, 2013

that'll teach'yer, Mr Education Secretary...

******************************

Dear Mr Gove, if
you want to back a loser,
baccalaureate...

******************************











(the gamble that failed: Michael Gove abandons plans to replace GCSEs with an English Baccalaureate certificate)











(17 Syllableus)

Friday, February 8, 2013

InDelhible, preferably...

*****************************

A play on words is
best written in Indian ink.
Make that Pun-jabi...

*****************************



















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Molotov Cocktail, anyone?...

***********************************

throw a party - or
bring a bottle - but don't throw
the bottle you bring...

***********************************



















('The Party Animal's Rules of Engagement': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Latin, History, Geography - and me (I'm the loyal one)

****************************************

The name's Vincent. I
was named after The Queen...quite
a few years after.

****************************************











- I always felt I could have been her favourite subject. Turns out it's maths...











('She passed them all at school once...then me along The Mall. Twice.': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

wry humour...

******************************

laughing at corn is,
well, impossible for those
whose humour is rye...

******************************



















('It's all about the corn': 17 Syllables)

Monday, February 4, 2013

taking the fizz out of fizzical...


**********************************

my sex drive's so low
now, the wife's started to call
herself Mrs Out...

**********************************

















('The Sinking of a Relationship': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 3, 2013

you're Bill, sir - I'm John...

*******************************

"no, you can't ever
tip a waiter too much - but
you can a canoe"...

*******************************




















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 2, 2013

more bright red than well-red - that's me to a 't'...a double 't'...

**********************************

"only them what writes
rubbish" can be members of
the litterati...

**********************************

















('A little a-litter-ation': 17 Syllables)

Friday, February 1, 2013

the resemblance is striking - on the hour, every hour...

************************

my late brother was
a campanologist - a
dead ringer for you...

************************


















(17 Syllables)