Friday, May 31, 2013

when getting on together means getting off with each other...

*****************************

tandem skydivers:
why is it they always fall
out with each other?...

*****************************




















('The Fall-Out': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 30, 2013

the route of all evil?...

************************************

if its true 'all roads 
lead to Rome', do psychopaths
lead to funny farms?

************************************



















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

when 'vainglorious' leads to 'veinglorious'...

*******************************

in the sporting world,
resorting to drugs is just
for mugs who seek cups...

*******************************



















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

try this for sighs...

**********************************

there are two types of
people: fools, sages and bad
mathematicians...

**********************************


















('A Quick Four-Liner': 17 Syllables)

Monday, May 27, 2013

English as a foreign language (at times)...

******************************

verbosity sure
is discombobulating -
damned gobbledygook!...

******************************




















('You Lost Me at 'Disco': 17 Syllables

Sunday, May 26, 2013

if music be the food of love...

**************************************

the others had stopped,
but on they swayed - for in their
hearts, the band still played...

**************************************




















('Love Story': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, May 25, 2013

the verb that longed to be a noun...

********************************

"The Inquisitive
Mind". The uninquisitive? -
they don't mind at all...

********************************




















(17 Syllables)

Friday, May 24, 2013

can't remember when you last had a date (and walnut?)

*********************************

dieting? - it's a
piece of cake (me, I tend to
go for Battenberg)

*********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

the pussy chaser...

***********************************

"Herpes! Here, boy!" (Damned
dog - always disappearing.
Keeps coming back, though)

***********************************





















('Putting the 'Cur' into Recurring': 17 Syllables)

Monday, May 20, 2013

not got much on tonight, I see...

***************************************

"One swallow doesn't
make an Ann Summers party." -
"Come again?" - "That would!"...

***************************************











(the 'no c*ck and all tail' cocktail parties)










(17 Syllables)

Sunday, May 19, 2013

the learning curve...

************************************

what am I doing right
now? - things I never managed
to do right before...

************************************


















('The Voice of Experience': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, May 18, 2013

the rebellious stage (the one they keep jumping off)

********************************

'rock 'n' role models'? -
call them 'oxymorons', and
then see what happens...

********************************



















('Not the Sharpest Tools in the Box Office': 17 Syllables)

Friday, May 17, 2013

heads for the chippy...

**********************************

a tosser's night out -
heads: a doner kebab and
10 pints - tails: see heads...

**********************************


















('Once a Tosser, Always a Tosser Doner':17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

itelloni take a minute...

***************************************

craving some pasta
but don't have much time? - open
a cannelloni...

***************************************




















('Heads: Square Meal - Tails: Pizza (Round)': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

pre-owned doggies...

*********************************

That bloody dogs' home -
I've just had to return mine.
The bugger was chipped...

*********************************



















('You're Barking, Mate - it's a Microchip': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

well-rounded ones, mind...

**********************************

although I've got a
wide circle of friends, nearly
all of them are squares...

**********************************




















(17 Rather Sillybles)

Monday, May 13, 2013

as he collects his nuts and bolts...

*********************************

is it possible
to withdraw cashews from a
hole-in-the-walnut?...

*********************************






(only nutcases try to withdraw cashews from hole-in-the-walnuts)







('The ATM': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, May 12, 2013

take it or leave it...

***********************************

when it comes to booze,
those who can't leave it often
can't take it, either...

***********************************



















('Duncan Disorderly': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

when a tool got its kit off...

**************************************

I was on a hot
date, but didn't get screwed - so
got hammered instead....

**************************************











- and the tool shed tears...











('The Toolshed: Putting the 'Awl' into Awl or Nothing': 17 Syllables)

Friday, May 10, 2013

ready...take aim...chat...

***********************************

of course guns can't talk...
(well, except for air rifles -
they shoot the breeze, right?)

***********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

What's that, Lassie? You're hungry?...

********************************

if 'chinwagging's the
telling of tales, is 'wagging'
what tails are telling?...

********************************



















("Tell-Tail": 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

grocer shop - even grosser customers...

**************************************

"three pounds of cheese and
a bag of spuds, please" - "to eat
in or to go, sir?"...

*************************************



















('The Obesity Epidemic Gathers Speed': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

a crack swordsman...

***********************************

that tattoo of a
sword entering your backside -
I can't see the point...

***********************************



















('Count Yourself Lucky': 17 Syllables)

Monday, May 6, 2013

classical requests...

****************************

I'll never hear the
end of it if I don't play
Schubert's Unfinished...

****************************










- nor if I do...











('Friday Night is Music Night': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, May 5, 2013

word of month...


*********************************

Wow! Not one month of
the year starts with the letter
'S'. (Exceptember)

*********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

"he's not very good yet, is he, mummy?"...

********************************

"Bless you, my child," said
the new Archbishop. "But I
didn't sneeze!" cried Meg...

*******************************



















(17 Syllables)

Friday, May 3, 2013

disabling the able semen...

*****************************

vasectomy? - it's
fair to say it completely
changed my lay of wife...

*****************************



















('Dry Humour (so to speak)': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 2, 2013

a fitted one, presumably...

**********************************

her? a clothes horse? - the
only thing my wife looks good
in is a kitchen...

**********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

comes with nails and screws, bless her...

*******************************

I'm a self-made man -
but my wife claims I didn't
read the instructions...

*******************************



















('Flat(Pack) Mates':17 Syllables)