Sunday, June 30, 2013

Botox...

*********************************

Beauty lies. And I
don't mean in the eye of the
beholder. Beauty lies.

*********************************


















('It's not just liposuction that sucks': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 29, 2013

making headlines (my head, my lines)

*********************************

"why don't I agree
with botox?" - I guess it just
gets under my skin...

*********************************


















('So many lines to learn (to live with) sighed the actress': 17 Syllables)

Friday, June 28, 2013

"sin"? - it's no more than Spanish for "without"...

*********************************

The world is full of
sinners. The rest of us just
haven't been caught yet...

*********************************












He who is without sin, let him cast the first...Ouch! Nice one, Jesus lad:  (also 17 Syllables)









************************************************************************

                                - an L of a surface -
Wow, so many players slipping and sliding (and retiring) this year at Wimbledon!
                                    Must be the glass court season...

************************************************************************

Thursday, June 27, 2013

seems I write that way, too...

********************************

I've got no business
sense - I never think about
the bottom line. Hat.

********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Posh Spice...

***************************************

"How long is a piece
of string?" - Hang on, I'll ask her:
"Posh, how long are you?"...

***************************************



















('The Thinking Man's Crumpet': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

not so much an idiot abroad as a broad abroad...

*****************************************

The Prague waitress came
over. "Cheque?" she enquired. "No,
British," I replied...

*****************************************









(true story, obviously - who'd want to make up something that daft?)










('You'll Pay For That': 17 Syllables)

Monday, June 24, 2013

I guess it's an offshore tax haven now...

*************************************

the current in my
current account's so strong, it's
now reached the Caymans...

*************************************


















('Liquid Assets': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

never said a word...

************************************

I'm not saying my wife's
dress sense is the worst in the
world - I'm writing it...

************************************



















('Writing One's Own Death Sentence Senryu':17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 22, 2013

cookie nookie...

***********************************

old age: cakes go hard,
biscuits go soft - and tarts go
with anybody...

***********************************



















('The Table's Laid. And I Soon Will Be': 17 Syllables)

Friday, June 21, 2013

17 syllables? - no problem...

*****************************

life's tough for st...st...
stutterers - but a haiku's
a d...d...doddle...

*****************************


















(17 Rather Sillybles)

Thursday, June 20, 2013

say hello to the new "me and youtility"...

****************************************

said the electricity
board to the gas board "let's form
a coalition!"...

****************************************


















(Putting the 'Solid' into 'Consolidation': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

it's my round (and round...and round...and...

***********************************

Guest Ales - Constantly
Rotating!  - "Christ, no wonder 
my head's in a spin"...

***********************************








- a case of "if you can't beat'em, join'em" - (followed by
a case of ...red, probably)









('Lights, CAMRA, Action!': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

isn't that a little rash?....

*******************************

fancy changing the
baby, darling? - not really,
let's stick with this one...

*******************************


















(17 Syllables)

Monday, June 17, 2013

"Take that!" she screamed. "What about them," I asked...

**********************************

"What do you like best
in a woman?" she asked. "My
dick?" I replied. Thwack!.....

**********************************


















("Ad Lib 0 - Women's Lib 1 - You Loser, You" : 17 Syllables)

Friday, June 14, 2013

the boy who became a mantra...

*******************************
---------------o---------------

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

---------------o---------------

Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare

---------------o---------------

Hare Potta Hare Potta
Potter Potter Harry Harry

---------------o---------------

*******************************







Yes, I've read the books....









Religiously...

Thursday, June 13, 2013

mind that hot water you've just got yourself into...

***********************************

if you think she's built
like a tank, you should take a
look at her cistern...

***********************************


















('That's her in the attic, by Dorian Gray's picture': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

singing my praises (but not quite in tune)

**********************************

I'm a singer of
note, all right - but sadly not
always the right one... 

**********************************


















(More 'oh, dear mi' than 'do re mi': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

'absentee-heeism' - you're having a laugh, right?...

*************************************

"I can't come to work,
I've got this cold"...("a-tishoo!"
of lies, I admit)

*************************************



















('Cold Calling Man Flu Calling': 17 Syllables)

Monday, June 10, 2013

a lifetime of serial philandering...

****************************************

relationships have
never been my strength, more  of
a one-a-weekness...

****************************************


















('I'll Love You Forever Till Tuesday': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 9, 2013

one-armed...banned it

********************************************

Masturbation? - I've
stopped! At long last! (It took months
to pull it off, mind)

********************************************








- which reminds me: might you find the location of London's, ahem, 'massage parlours' on a 'relief' map? Just a thought...









('A Single-Handed Singular Achievement': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 8, 2013

honour among thieves...

*********************************

"I like to take risks,"
said the thief, "but I always
return them later"...

*********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Friday, June 7, 2013

it's a square meal, all right - but where's the meat?...


aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus
aubergine.artichoke.asparagus











- an ode (or 'oh, dear'?) to my three favourite vegetables...

Thursday, June 6, 2013

today he's Ed (tomorrow Ed boy?)

*************************************

"our son was put down
at birth" - "I'm so sorry" - "why?
he'll just love Eton"...

*************************************



















('Just Another (Well-)Bred and Butter Public School': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

"anything you hold may be downed in evidence"...

***********************************

coppers can't drink on
duty, right? (but at least they
can charge their glasses)

***********************************



















('The Pint that's Drunk in Charge Haste': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

they're a trio now - that's Pete, beside himself with Joy...

**********************************

Great drummer! Blows his
own trumpet, too. More of a
one-man band, really...

**********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Monday, June 3, 2013

blatant discrimination...

****************************

Saxophonist seeks
relationship with fellow
musician. No strings...

****************************


















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 2, 2013

higher education breeds higher chievers...

************************************

it's what ambitious
teachers dream of: being able
to quit when a Head...

************************************



















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Talent Shows (as does the lack of it)

**********************************

I know talent when
I see it, and that's just what
I see: no talent...

**********************************




















('What's got 2 i's and sucks? Britain's Got Talent (a prostitute's only got one)': 17 Syllables)