Saturday, August 31, 2013

roadkill...

****************************************

There are rodents, and
there are - splat! - middle-of-the-
roadents. Damned squirrels!

****************************************



















(Stay on the verge! (but not of extinction): 17 Syllables)

raspberry, blueberry, loganberry, Mary Berry...

************************************

one swallow doesn't
make a summer pudding - well,
not like Mary does...

************************************


















(17 Rather Sillybles)

Friday, August 30, 2013

love you too, mum...

****************************************

"one swallow doesn't
make a summer," says mum, "but
to be son-kissed does"...

****************************************











(the Mrs. loves Krs.)











('a peck on the cheek, at least once a week': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 29, 2013

kiss and tel: insert any number (of old flames)

*************************************

it's not a little
black book I've got - more of an
ex directory...

*************************************












- more exes than you can shake a stick at, bless 'em...











(17 Rather Sillybles)

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

when in Rome...

****************************

Man walks into a
bar. A colour bar. So he
orders an orange...

****************************


















(Orange, without rhyme or reason...well, without rhyme, anyway:17 Sillybles)

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

drained of a motion...

*******************************

overcoming the
loss of two feet's easy - if
you're a toilet roll...

*******************************


















('98 feet left (as opposed to 98 left feet)': 17 Syllables)

Monday, August 26, 2013

'touch and go' takes on a whole new meaning...

*******************************

why, when I do get
off with girls, is it so hard
to get on with them?...

*******************************









("it's 'touch and go', so
go away! - you can 'touch and
stay' another day")











('The Hits & Mrs. (and Mr.ies) of Physical Attraction': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, August 25, 2013

a bag's for life (but is the wife?)

************************************************

"no," sighs my wife, "your
breads don't taste like cardboard - more
like plastic baguettes"...

************************************************












the joke's fine - it's the bread that's tasteless...











('Oh, well - saves on wrappers': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 24, 2013

"Abracadaver!" (dying, twice nightly)

**************************************************

The Magic Circle's
turned me down. Three times! (Damn! My
worst hat trick - ever)

**************************************************



















('The rabbit in the hat trick (screw the rabbit bit)': 17 Syllables)

Friday, August 23, 2013

a whole word of difference...

************************************

reality show
singers aren't singers of note -
just singers of notes...

************************************


















('The X(cruciating) Factor': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 22, 2013

the correct form of a dress...

***************************************

S & M dungeons
have a strict dress code: 'any old
rags - but make them strict'...

***************************************










- try the local chain store (ignore the clothes - grab the chain)










('Not just any clothes, S & M clothes'): 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

careful - she'll crown you, Charles (mum's the word, eh?)

******************************************

Charles yelling "when's this
damned reign going to end?" is just
the son coming out...

******************************************










- 60 years, and counting. 'Frustration,' by any other name...










(Forget 'hurri-canes'. Think 'no hurry' reigns: 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

going clubbing (Arsenal, Spurs, Chelsea...)

***********************************

those groupies who try
it on with footballers - they're
simply goaldiggers...

***********************************


















('Score last night?': 17 Syllables)

Monday, August 19, 2013

an (intravenous) injection of pace...

********************************

all those gazelles in
the line-up - yet the race is
won by a cheetah...

********************************









another meeting - yet more cheating...










('2013 World Championships come to an end': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, August 18, 2013

curry in a hurry...

***********************************

there's fast food, and there's
very fast food (you can't beat
a Usain balti)

***********************************


















('Goes well with beans. Runner beans': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

cinematographic daisy chain...

*******************************

       Rose of seats
   and beds of flowers
and nudes in lovely posies.
      A lovely screen,
      I think it's thyme
to pamper all our noses...

*******************************
















putting the 'ode' into Odeon...

Friday, August 16, 2013

three Magi, zero i'Magi'nation...

**************************************

"why in a stable?"...
"why today?"..."why to Mary?"...
asked the 3 'why?'s men...

**************************************


















('Why? - God Knows': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 15, 2013

August 15, 2013 - 2020 vision...

************************************

if nostalgia's not
what it was, clairvoyance sure
ain't what it will be...

************************************


















(Take it from me (you can bring it back later): 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

and the line went dead (the 3rd line, in this case)

*****************************

I can't complain, but
if I did, would you listen?
I...hello?...hello?...

*****************************










- you'll have to excuse me now, it's dinner time - tagliatelle-vision (TV Set meal for one, yummy!)










(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

bread and a red...

**************************************

"Who says you can't toast
a baguette?" He raised his glass:
"To baguettes," he laughed...

**************************************
















(17 Sillybles)

Monday, August 12, 2013

mummy no-milk...

************************************

I love you more than
chocolate, mummy - as long as
it's plain, like you are...

************************************



















('Putting the Cad into Cadbury': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, August 11, 2013

"Herd of sheep?" - Yes, I have. But I think it's 'flock'...

*************************************

see those clots along
the main arteries? - they're the
groups off the cruise ships...

*************************************


















('Ship of Fools': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 10, 2013

be it in a handcart or a London bus...

*************************************

to hell and back's a
damned good day - it's only bad
if you're forced to stay...

*************************************




















('Glass Half-Full': 17 not-so-Sillybles)

Friday, August 9, 2013

boxers rule, KO...

********************************

'what goes around comes
around' - what doesn't go a
round comes round later...

********************************


















("It's a Knockout": 17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 8, 2013

"rustlers!" - ("calm down, it's what we do," said the leaves)

************************

Asked a llama,
"Why the drama?"...
Sighed the farmer,
"False a llama"...

************************









-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A Calmer Llama": a syllable short of a haiku (what many people call me)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------








Monty Panesar fined by police for nightclub 'incident' (yesterday's news)...

************************************

caught urinating
on bouncers, Monty? - mistake
them for full-tosses?...

************************************
 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

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------- Office Hours: Monday - Wednesday, 9:00 - 5:00. Home Visits by Arrangement ------

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

cheese, milk, yoghurt, pistol...

************************************
most things kept in the
fridge go off at some stage - I
just hope my gun won't...

************************************






















('Packing heat. In the fridge': 17 Syllables)

Monday, August 5, 2013

penne pinching...

*******************************

diets call for portion
controlnot a penne more,
not a penne less...

*******************************










- 'a penne'?
...well, at least the food's not rich, then...











('Pasta dishes? - they're ten a penne, mate': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, August 4, 2013

not so much a quartermaster, more a threequartermaster...

*****************************************

Long John Silver looked
down. 'Bugger,' he sighed, 'one left 
leg...and one leg left'...

*****************************************

















('Accidents Will Happen': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Noddy's Station(ary) Wagon...

****************************************

Noddy's car:...wooden
tyres?...wooden pedals?...wooden
chassis? Wooden work.

****************************************


















('Noddy & Big No Gears': 17 Syllables)

Friday, August 2, 2013

bank of mum (and dad, sometimes)

*******************************************

"a penne for your
thoughts?" asked my mum (she often
gives me food for thought)

*******************************************















**************************************

there's loads of dough in
my food bank's currant account -
"yippee! currant buns!"...

**************************************

(17 Syllable double)

Thursday, August 1, 2013

"play," said the referee, "but not on words this time, OK?"...

**************************************

"in squash, 'hitting the
ground running' won't cut it...hit
the ball running, lad"...

**************************************



















("Doh!": 17 Pretty Sillybles)