Friday, February 28, 2014

1/4 gill...1/4 gill...1/4 gill...

******************************************

"Him? Drink like a fish?
Breathed like one, more like. Never
saw so many gills"...

******************************************


















('Measure for Measure' (and oh, what a pleasure!): 17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 27, 2014

low IQ count...

*****************************

as blood is thicker
than water, it's probably
got no idea why...

*****************************



















('Denser than Mensa' (as thick as two plankton): 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Press (1) for 'A Verse to Aversion', Press (2) for 'Averse to a Version'...

******************************

is Susan Boyle sick
of folk judging a book by
its cover version?...

******************************









(if beauty does lie in the eye of the beholder, it's a white lie, right?)










(Talking of singers: 17 Cillablackables - remember her?)

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

once a diva, always a diva...

*********************************

"when the Venetian
blinds ring, tell them I only
take curtain calls, James"...

*********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Monday, February 24, 2014

the height of stupidity? - 6' 1" in my case...

*********************************

there are some nutters
who'll go to any widths to
stand out from the crowd...

*********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 23, 2014

when vowels & consonants meet bowels & incontinence...

**************************************

'TIOLET', read the sign.
"Bugger! Just when you find one,
it's out of order"...

**************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Pop Corn (some corn about pop). Sure beats cop porn...

***************************************

Adele? She can't sing
for toffee. I've just checked with
her team. Cash only...

***************************************










(I was hoping she'd give in to her rather obvious sweet tooth)











('Deep Top C Diva': 17 Rather Sillybles)

Friday, February 21, 2014

a job(less) lot...

*******************************

our charity shop's
always full of pensioners -
half-price, most of 'em...

*******************************



















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 20, 2014

motormouth...

*****************************

torque is cheap - but not
when it's generated by
a Mercedes Benz...

*****************************



















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I, too, metamorphosis once - 'twas on a Tuesday morn...

****************************************

that ant's in love, the
enamoured dope (what else would
make an antelope?)

****************************************


















('Anthropomorphism rules, OK?': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

the efficacy of a (chat-up) line - of coke...

**********************************

Jane smiled - "you had me
at 'hello'," she sighed. (I had
her at midnight, too.)

**********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Monday, February 17, 2014

from being hip to replacement hip...

***************************************

Gran was a dancer.
Once. (When I say 'once', I mean
ages ago-go)

***************************************









...she still loves to 'get down with the kids', mind (though getting up again's a problem)











('Go-go granny': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 16, 2014

all post and no coital...

*****************************

if I am God's gift
to girls, why am I always
returned unopened?...

*****************************



















(First-class mail (contents: second-class male): 17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 15, 2014

bugger! now my fat's 100% saturated - that can't be healthy, either...

*************************************

'Black grapes. Wash before
use'. Not wanting to take risks,
I had a quick shower...

*************************************


















(17 Rather Sillybles)

Friday, February 14, 2014

maid to measure...

***********************************

"abracadabra!" -
but spell it 'LOVE'...she is the
hand, and I'm the glove...

***********************************









(shades of 'Swan' & 'Vesta' - the original 'match' made in heaven)










('Val & Tyne: two hearts beating as one': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

the Academy Awards...

*****************************

Shirley Temple got
an Oscar at six. She was
in bed by seven...

*****************************









- in memory of the former Hollywood child star whose death was announced yesterday.










(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

a fulfilling retirement...

********************************************

"what do you do all
day, dad?"..."nowt, son - but it takes
longer than you'd think"...

********************************************


















('The Best Worst Part of Quite a Long Time': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

all you need is love 15...

******************************

when tennis players
marry, they find they only
need the one service...

******************************









- and the faster the better, in my case (it was a shotgun marriage)










(' A (tennis) match made in heaven - not': 17 Syllables)

Monday, February 10, 2014

there's a fruit & nutcase at the ATM...

************************************

tell him, someone: you
can't withdraw cashews from a
hole-in-the-walnut...

************************************












('When you're down to your last 2 or 3pnuts': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 9, 2014

a match maid in heven....

************************************

"You're dyslexic, you
say? Don't worry yourself, luv -
I can't spell eyether"...

************************************










- not to mention 'chiwowah', 'dyerear' or 'leeaison'. Though I'm definately definitely improving...











(17 Cillables Sillybles Syllables )

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Beauty and the Beast...

******************************

I wanted to buy
a Greek salad today - but
she didn't have time...

******************************









"I'll call you," she said (though she didn't say what she'd call me)










('When a Geek Met a Greek': 17 Sillybles)

Friday, February 7, 2014

from price conscious to unconscious...

*******************************

it costs you nothing
to be polite - but you'll pay
the price if you're not...

*******************************


















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

marriage proposals - the appropriate response...

*************************************

Torn between a rock
and a hard place? - "Depends on
the size of the rock"...

*************************************



















('Dangling a few carats': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

roadkill: when rodents become 'middle-of-the-road'ents...

**************************************

"so," I asked the wife,
"just how much meat is there in
this 'rat-or-two-ee'"?...

**************************************










- putting the 'quiz' into cuisine...











('Crash-bang-rat-a-tat-ouille': 17 syllables)

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

as daft as a hatter, as mad as a brush...

***************************

Simile, and the
world'll simile with you.
Like a Cheshire cat...

***************************


















(17 Similarbles)

Monday, February 3, 2014

no money, no honey (just hives)

******************************************

my girlfriend? - she's 'la
creme de la creme'...double creme,
in fact: rich and thick...

******************************************









- 'saccharine material,' as my boss calls his secretary (as in "I'd saccharine a flash")










('Girdled & Curdled': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 2, 2014

feeding time: making a meal of it...

***********************************

accidents occur
mostly in the kitchen - served
with chips, in our case...

***********************************


















('A & E and a cup of tea': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 1, 2014

pretty as a picture - not...

**************************************************

Gemma doesn't wear
clothes, she wears (quote) "art". With luck, 
it'll hide that frame...

**************************************************










(the only thing she'd look good in is a kitchen)











('More 'man' than mannequin': 17 Syllables)