Thursday, July 31, 2014

second childhood...

************************************

from week old babies
to weak old grandparents - it's
the circle of life...

************************************


















('An (almost) Perfect Symmetry': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

the economy: the Land of the Free that's all at sea...

*******************************

adrift on the ship
of state, clinging to a raft
of new policies...

*******************************


















('Reflections of a Floating Voter': 17 Not-So-Sillybles)

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

dumb and dumber, numb and number (in anyone's language)

*************************************************

"Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq,
six, sept, ----, neuf, dix." Seems I've got
a huit allergy...

*************************************************


















('Nothing a fruity vingt blanc won't solve': 17 Syllables)

Monday, July 28, 2014

Capital chap...

***********************************

if no man is an
island, then who's that fellow
on the Isle of Man?...

***********************************








- "bugger," sighed Douglas, "I've been rumbled"...









('Men? Insular. Writers? Pen.insular': 17 Syllables)
just a joke - but only just (an embarrassing extra little offering today)

************************************

what sort of person
likes to bath alone? - someone
from Barthelona...

************************************


not just any loner - a Spanish loner (17 Verysillybles)

Sunday, July 27, 2014

floppy discos? - they're so old-hat...

***************************************

do IT workers
like to switch off from work with
laptopless dancers?...

***************************************


















('InFormation Dancing Technology': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 26, 2014

you don't have to be mad to live here - but it helps...

**********************************

Never Mind The Dog,
Beware Of The Homeowner's
Mrs - She's Barking...

**********************************







- her name is Glad, and she's barking mad (forget poetic licence, think dog licence)








('My Wife has a Strange Gait': 17 Syllables)

                       ------------------------------------------
                       COMMONWEALTH GAMES SHOCKER

I'm told Fran Halsall faced a hard semi in the pool tonight. Surely it's one or the other?

Friday, July 25, 2014

you sage - me onion...

************************************************

"Wise men know they know
nothing." - "Wow, you learn something
new every day!" - "d'ooooooh!"...

************************************************


















(More 'Brian of Britain' than 'Brain of Britain': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, July 24, 2014

discontinued lines...

**********************************

Some lines just don't work
commercially. You're reading
three of them at the

**********************************








- more 'bargain cellar' than best seller...









('Shops are to retail as bookshops to tale': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

stop press: professional artist draws salary...

***************************

can't artists who draw
on their imagination
afford paper, then?...

***************************


















('Abstract Art': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

putting the 'fist' into 'pacifist'...

*********************************

"I'd kill for a beer,"
muttered the pacifist. Must
have been his day off...

*********************************


















('Pacifisticuffs': 17 Syllables)

Monday, July 21, 2014

boy bands: now you see 'em, now you don't......

****************************

from 4 beats in a
bar to 4 deadbeats in a
barfame is fleeting...

****************************


















('The music in-and-outestry': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 20, 2014

as an example of intolerance, it's shining...

***************************************

sad the xenophobe
who's forced to use french polish
(he hates both countries)

***************************************


















('Taking a Shine to Foreigners. Not.': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 19, 2014

one's a written warning, the other's instant dismissal...

************************************

going over someone's
head? - it's better than coming
over it, I'd say...

************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Friday, July 18, 2014

splitting hares...

*****************************

a hare causes damage
wherever it can...
but can't always manage
where leveret can...

*****************************







- reaching the parts that mummy and daddy hare just can't get to...


 







("Bringing up kids? It's hare-raising," said Mr Buck & Mrs Doe. Doh!.)

Thursday, July 17, 2014

easy, tiger...

*************************************

the price of anger
management classes drives me
round the f****ing bend...

*************************************


















('A tiger earns its stripes': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

would I have to work Saturdays?...

******************************

I think I want to
be a motivational
speaker. Or something...

******************************


















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

adventure travel...

*****************************************

Today East Grinstead,
tomorrow THE WORLD! (Or Hove -
I hear it's quite nice)

*****************************************


















('Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away': 17 Syllables)

Monday, July 14, 2014

Oh, well - at least it WAS in the same breath...

*****************************************

I've been compared to
Wordsworth and Kipling. They say
I'm nothing like them...

*****************************************


















('ad verse criticism': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 13, 2014

from 'Adonis' to Adonisn't - it didn't take long...

***************************************

Women! They still throw
themselves at me. Frying pan in
in hand, mostly, these days...

***************************************


















('The Ageing Lothario: CasanOver The Hill' 17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 12, 2014

me? a technological dinosaur? #too right...

************************************

I love my landline,
so call me old-fashioned. Don't
text me old-fashioned...

************************************








(no bile is better than mobile - who the hell needs abusive tweets?)









('Call Me': 3 (telephone) Lines, 17 Syllables)

Friday, July 11, 2014

the peashooter...

******************************

No animals were
hurt during the writing of
these 3 lines. I missed...

******************************








(I say 'peashooter'...it's a pen, to be honest - and the sheep are still in it)









('Animal Rights Human Writes': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

when the third degree's a Ph.D...

****************************************

giving them the third
degree? - that's mortar-boarding,
not waterboarding...

****************************************








- it's the difference between absorbing information and extracting it...










('A 3-Line Uni Verse' (quite a cloistered one, too): 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

feet of Klee...

********************************************

Abstract painters wear
their heart on their sleeve - and their
lips on their feet ...

********************************************







and, totally unconnected...
______________________________________________________
The British: we could take the Win out of Winter, too (with apologies to the Bard)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Now is the summer
of our discontent": Murray,
Froome, World Cup, Cricket........British sport, don't you just love it?...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
___________________________________________________________________________








('My other painting's a Pica$$000,000': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

fancy a mixed doubles, then?...a spot of four-play?...

*****************************************

"Too much shuttle, not
enough c*ck!" complained the wife,
"bloody badminton"...

*****************************************


















('Ruffled feathers': 17 Syllables)

Monday, July 7, 2014

"a gooseberry or raspberry one, mama?" (asked the fruit of her loins)

************************************

mum always knew I'd
make something of myself - 'a
fool', I think it was...

************************************


















(It was just her way of saying I was rather sweet. And yes, a tad bitter...: 17 Syllables)

Sunday, July 6, 2014

a fast-flowing current account...

******************************

wise is the man who
keeps his liquid assets in
the HSBSea...

******************************


















('HSBSea - the bank that tides you over': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, July 5, 2014

times were hard - and so was I...

*******************************

The whore left. What had
come up in conversation
soon went down again...

*******************************







"What do I think of 50 quid? It's a bit stiff," I said ('I love youphemisms,' I explained - though I knew it was an innuendo)









(For 'whore' read 'courtesan' (taking the sin out of synonym): 17 Syllables)

Friday, July 4, 2014

a TV set calls for TV set meals...

*****************************

you can't beat a night
in: "Tagliatellevision!" - 
Top Gear & pasta!...

*****************************


















('TV Dinners': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, July 3, 2014

times were hard - and so was I...

*********************************

"are you free tonight?"
I asked the prostitute - "no,
love - I always charge"...

*********************************


















('Single-handedly, he managed to relieve his frustrations': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

forget 'dame' - think 'edam'...

**************************************

money can't buy you
love - but it can buy you cheese,
and that's pretty close...

**************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

a 'package' is to adventure as Antonym is to Cleopatra...

************************************

all-inclusive, half-
board, full-board & completely
bored: same old, same old...

************************************


















('Give me Gulliver's Travails any time': 17 Syllables)