Friday, February 27, 2015

non-commercial break...

Dear Reader,

Good news for Juan and all: I shall be away with the fairies until mid-May...

I'm flying to The Land of Cheese Fondue,
(Dalasi in hand, if you're needing a clue)

Abnormal service will be resumed upon my return...Insha'Allah.

Fare thee well...

Thursday, February 26, 2015

less of a customer, more of an inn-patient...

*****************************

Beer's the best local
anaesthetic. At least, it
is in my local...

*****************************








(just as exercise is good for whatever ails one, so ale is good for whatever exercises one)









(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Vincent, son of Mary (Hefter)

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I'm not religious -
I'm more into non-prophet
organizations...

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("Thank God for atheists": 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

my pet hates...

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When my cat spied the
taxidermist, it jumped out
of its skin. Saved time...

*********************************


















(From 'dead scared' to 'scared dead': 17 Rather Sillybles)

Monday, February 23, 2015

a family outing to 'Mad World'...

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"Please do not feed them 
lines," reads the comedians' cage
at the funny farm...

****************************************









"chuck us some nuts, pet"-"any bananas, pet?"-"share that sandwich, pet?" ...
(a petting farm, obviously)









(17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 22, 2015

foul, ref!...

********************************

tackling racism
by knocking it on the head
must be a red card!...

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('Dangerous play': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

a paper chase...

************************

the cops tore up the
A3 - fortunately, I
was on the A4...

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Writing wrongs: better than righting paper? - Discuss...








('Speed reading': 17 Syllables)

Friday, February 20, 2015

hearing aids are deafinitely improving...

********************************************

"Heard about these new
hearing aids, John?" - "No, not heard
a thing. Been told, though"...

********************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 19, 2015

one of Snow White's dwarfs opens up to the press...

**************************************

"When one's family
tree's a bonsai, what hope does
one have?" sighed Grumpy...

**************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

strangers in the night...

**********************************

I woke up with a
headache this morning. But I
soon got rid of her...

**********************************








- one-night (I couldn't) stand...









('Mygraine today, someone else's tomorrow': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

cannibalism...

*******************************

too many cooks spoil
the broth - so never put in
more than a couple...

*******************************


















("Any couple do": 17 Syllables)

Monday, February 16, 2015

food for thought (but not for consumption)

********************************

mum's cooking's like Rolf
Harris' paintings: "can you
tell what it is yet?"...

********************************








- talk about bad taste...









('Too soon?': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 15, 2015

more 'groom and bridle' than bride and groom......

**************************************

Jill had a stable
marriage. No choice, really - the
churches were all booked...

**************************************







"if any of you know cause or just impediment why these two persons 
should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony..." 

...and the neighbours went "neigh"...







('Why the long faces?': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Valentine's Day (1) - it's love, all right...

**********************************

The only table
I'm booking tonight's got six
pockets. I love pool...

**********************************








looking forward to a long, long break - but not a romantic one...









(17 Syllables)

Valentine's Day (2)

To Stella...






















...Stella Artois. You know where you are with Stella...







...all on your own. Just sat by the phone...







Cheers!...

bordering on arrogance...

***********************************

Certain people have
no sense of self-doubt. That's
why they're certain people...

***********************************


















('Just saying': 17 Syllables)

Friday, February 13, 2015

the passage of time...

*************************************

I hated girls when
I was young. No longer, though.
Now I hate women...

*************************************


















(17 Rather Sillybles)

Thursday, February 12, 2015

the shot: the bullet in - the bullet out - the bulletin...

**************************

if a tot of rum's
80 percent proof, is a
shot bulletproof?...

**************************








- the bulletin: shot glass doing well...









('Captain Morgan's rum. And so's his crew': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

The trash can. The peli can. The Ameri can. The can can. Everyone can. We can't...

**************************************

"Divorced!": wife, friend, nurse,
lover - all rolled into one...
and tossed in the bin.

**************************************


















('From 'drop-dead gorgeous' to 'drop dead, gorgeous': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

what a lightweight!...

*******************************

"Box wine?" - "Yes, I do.
But I never last more than
a couple of rounds"...

*******************************








- that's your trouble, mate - no bottle...









('Get 'em in! (How many rounds ARE there in a drinking bout?)': 17 Syllables)

Monday, February 9, 2015

dad-dancing: putting the 'grim' into 'grimace'...

*************************************

My dad always pulls
when he, er, "dances" (?). Silly
faces. All the time...

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('Yep, that's my dad: the 'ass' of 'embarrassment': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 8, 2015

tripe...

********************************

"you are offal, but
I like you!": the entrails of
butchered animals...

********************************








(I told you it was tripe)









('The English language. Butchered...':17 Syllables)

Saturday, February 7, 2015

bugger my stammer...

********************************

"There's many a slip
'Twixt c-c-ouplet and lip"

********************************


















(st)utter disaster...

Friday, February 6, 2015

if you're wanting fish, then you've had your chips...

*******************************

Our chippy's an all-
you-can-eat affair. All you
can eat is, well, chips...

*******************************








- no fish, no pies; they 'specialize'...









(17 Syllables)

Thursday, February 5, 2015

I can always spot my wife in a crowd...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooxooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo






...she'll be the one who's a little cross - she always is...

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

the birds and the bees...

****************************

1 and 1 makes 3:
1 moorhen + 1 moorhen
= 1 more hen...

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('1,2,3,4Nication': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

for 'play school', read 'play's cool'...

*************************************

my son didn't say
his first words till two: "is that
the time?" he burbled...

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('Mind you, by half-past he'd moved on to sentences': 17 Syllables)

Monday, February 2, 2015

there is no 'us' in 'b--iness'...

*****************************

whilst a firm friend is
good company, a firm is
just a company...

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("Silly me. Mini me. Accompany me": 17 Syllables)

Sunday, February 1, 2015

breakfast with the Brownings...

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"Who's Elizabeth
Barrett Browning?" - "Not "who?", luv,
it's "what?" - and it's bread"...


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- 1806-1861 (well-bred and buttered, she too is now toast)








(The toast of the Romantic Movement: 17 Syllables)