Sunday, May 31, 2015

X Factor: get out the hankies...

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"I've got lumbago":
(some X Factor singers have
a bad back story)

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(17 Syllables)

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Some football fixtures are pretty dire. Sepp Blatter, for one...
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Saturday, May 30, 2015

size 16/sighs deeply: the changing cubicle...

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"Damn!" (Jayne studies her
birthday suit) - "Way too large! - so
how come it fits? Damn!"...

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"I wonder if they have it in bronze?"...









('XXXLent taste, madam': 17 Syllables)

Friday, May 29, 2015

old age: don't knock it (it might fall over)

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it's better to be
around ninety than not to
be around at all...

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("Dead right, mate": 17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 28, 2015

forget white-collar or blue-collar, think 'no collar'...

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he who puts the 'vest'
into 'investigate': the
very plain-clothes cop...

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

poor circulation? - that's more of a GP thing...

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psychologists love
newspaper editors - boy,
do they have issues!...

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

it's IV, you dummy!...

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I was so bad at
Latin, my teacher didn't
half give me what VI...

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('Clever dick': 17 Syllables)

Monday, May 25, 2015

THE KING AND I

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     THE K - NG


  

   (the king without i)




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Sunday, May 24, 2015

Posh 'n' Becks...

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"Beckham read games well -
and finished most of 'em, too...
unlike Posh 'n' books...

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('By her own admission': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, May 23, 2015

marriage b_ _eau: what's missing? u r - so why not sign up today?...

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these marriage bureaux
do try hard - mine's given me
twelve women to date...

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...that's twelve and counting - on meeting 'the one'...









('So far so good-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye...': 17 Syllables)

Friday, May 22, 2015

do not try this at home...

Cutty Sark,
HMS Bounty,
Queen Elizabeth,
Queen Mary,
Ark Royal,
Golden Hind...








- listing ships can be dangerous. 










(Depending on how much they're listing.)

Thursday, May 21, 2015

you can't beat a hot dog - well, not too hard...

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I have to put our
dog out every night. It sleeps
far too near the fire...

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('Some like it hot': 17 Sillybles)

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

tolerant? - my proboscisn't...

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many things get up
my nose - things that oughtn't, they're
so unimpoughtn't...

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

my funds are exhausted...

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when I took my cash
out shopping we both returned
home pretty much spent...

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"no change" is as good as a rest - and I certainly returned home with no change...










(17 Syllables)

Monday, May 18, 2015

synchronised diving - not...

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"I did a double
somersault yesterday" - "With
pike?" - "No, on my own"...

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('Synchronicity: when neither of the two i's is me': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, May 17, 2015

our nation of shopkeepers' political leaders...

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As with our shops, most
parties need loss leaders. Fail,
and they're no great loss...

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('Miliband, Farage, Clegg': 17 Syllables)