Tuesday, June 30, 2015

the town bike...

***************************************

"it's my time of the
month, pet - so don't forget your
menstrual cycle clips"...

***************************************


















('Sleazy rider': 17 Syllables)

Monday, June 29, 2015

well-bred and buttered...

***********************************************

"I've gone from redhead
to breadhead" - "How come?" - "I've put
my hair in a bun"...

***********************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 28, 2015

a year after year after yearning...

***********************************

"To hell with waiting
for 'Miss Right' - what I really
need's a 'Miss Right Now!'...

***********************************








- frustration: as yet, there is no 'us'...









("Now! Now!" I yelled. - "Now, now," they sighed: 17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 27, 2015

damn u,topia!...

*************************

woe is me! - lactose
intolerant in a land
of milk and honey...

*************************


















(17 Syllables)

Friday, June 26, 2015

ha! two squares like us! - (and so does she, apparently)

***************************

is "the centre of
a tension" a woman in
a love triangle?...

***************************


















(Two squares, one triangle, gotta laugh! ("he he! (and her)": 17 Sillybillybles)

Thursday, June 25, 2015

football v. haiku: 4-4-2 meets 5-7-5...

- raise your glasses: "to his goals and his passes" -

********************************

George Best: we all still
lament his passing. Not to
mention his dribbling...

********************************

- mine's a (first) half, (second) half...pint -

********************************

For Gazza, passing
balls was a doddle. Passing
pubs? - that was tougher...

********************************







(17 Syllables x 2)

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Mrs in, misses out (down at the Rose & Crown)

****************************************

whilst drinking rye, his
eyes would roam (for his wife was
shy and staid at home)

****************************************


















(17 Cillables (no names, no pack drill)

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

what a load of rubbish...

*************************************

Litter louts? They're born
that way - they don't pick it up
as they go along...

*************************************








(told you it was rubbish)









('No-one can pick up trash like a trash can': 17 Syllables)

Monday, June 22, 2015

a game (woman) of two halves - hic!...

*******************************

when magicians want
to saw you in two, it helps
to be half-cut first...

*******************************


















('I saw you': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 21, 2015

blood: thicker than water (but not ice, apparently)

**********************************

"It's dad! He's ringing
from Antarctica!" - "Tell him
I hate cold callers"...

**********************************


















('Ringing wet cold': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 20, 2015

sold as (not?) seen...

***********************************

Can I see myself
wearing camouflage clothing?
No. That's the whole point...

***********************************









- if you can't see what you want in the window, then it's working...








(17 Syllables)

Friday, June 19, 2015

more tee-hee time than teatime...

***************************************

"prick with a fork," read
the bag - "click" -  this selfie I've
taken shows the same...

***************************************


















('Prick or dick? Take your pic.': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, June 18, 2015

weightlifting: the snatch...

******************************************

World's strongest man holds
up bank. Two white lights, one red!
Gold! The crowd go mad...

******************************************








- lb for £, the best around!...









('Valid lift': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

To let (when i needed to p)

T O i L E T...............(engaged - i couldn't wait)
-----------------------------------------------------------
T O   L E T...............(vacant - i had left by now)



















                                             from "The Tales of i"
(an educated eejit, with the letters after his name to prove it: j,k,l,m,n,o,p...)

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

and the winner is...Miss Nuneaton, still unbeaten...

*********************************

     - Miss Anorexic - 
(Winner to receive a cash
    prize. And atrophy.)

*********************************







the advantage of giving up pies is
the winning of sh*tloads of prizes...









('Like mother, like not so father': 17 Syllables)

Monday, June 15, 2015

synchronised swimming: knee-high to a grasshopper...

**************************************

My sister and I
swam in sync for years. Now it's
time to swim in pool...

**************************************


















(17 Very Sillybles)

Sunday, June 14, 2015

the 'i' in 'wimp' is me...

*************************************************

My wife's a masseuse,
she kneads muscles. We're well matched -
I need a few, too...

*************************************************


















('Muscles Muscless': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 13, 2015

blithe spirits (a meeting of...)

**************************************

dad's so laid-back, if
he spied a ghost, he'd just stroll
away in terror...

**************************************








(calmness doesn't run in our family - it walks)









('When 'heedless' meets 'headless': 17 Syllables)

Friday, June 12, 2015

today's post (delivered by hand)

***********************************

letters getting lost
in the post are just problems
that need addressing...

***********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, June 11, 2015

B & Be warned...

*********************************

bedlam & breakfast:
you don't have to be mad to
stay here, but it helps...

*********************************









- you can't beat a bit of r&r in a B&B...








(17 Sillybles)

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

when your number's up (even if it is ex-directory)

*********************************

How in God's name I'm
going to survive without my
phone, it's hard to tel:

*********************************








- from 'mobile' to 'nobile'...









(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

at least the male won't live to regret it - well, not for long...

**********************************

the Black Widow school
of lovemaking: turn him on -
and then turn on him...

**********************************


















(A spider spied a mate, the mate is now 'the late': 17 Syllables)

Monday, June 8, 2015

positivity course working, then?...

********************************

There's nothing worse than
enforced jollity. Except
perhaps syphilis...

********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 7, 2015

chains? - try the chain store...

*************************************

'a relationship
based on trussed' - not just any
sex: S & M sex...

*************************************








- with apologies to Marks & Spencer...










('The bonds of friendship': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 6, 2015

putting the 'us' into rendezvous...

*****************************************

cozy tete-a-tetes
in smart pieds-a-terre - now that's
what I call frenchship!...

*****************************************


















('Ami-ability': 17 Syllables)

Friday, June 5, 2015

the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away...

***********************************************

"you're great for your age,"
shrugged my doc, "you've got the brains
of a ten-year-old"...

***********************************************


















('Your cholesterol levels are sh*t, mind': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, June 4, 2015

17 Sillyble Asperger's...

***********************************

"You sure took your time,
didn't you?" - "I couldn't think
who else's to take"...

***********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

exchange and martyr...

*****************************

I've just got some golf
clubs for the Mrs. Not a
bad swap, that, really...

*****************************


















(17 Sillybles)

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

RIP: from coughin' to coffin...

******************************

dust to dust, ashes
to ashes: life is precious,
far more than cash is...

******************************


















('The aftermath of a wrong die-agnosis': 17 Syllables)

Monday, June 1, 2015

I was a solicitor: the (not very good) tall, dark, italic type...

                   
                      


                                
                              "OBJECTOiN,
                               
                             YOUR HONOUR!"









- but it was i who was nearly always out of order...