Thursday, March 31, 2016

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Villains who run for the hills
better steer clear of the copse...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 31)

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

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'Tout,' you say? - Good heavens,
the French have a word for everything...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 30)

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Brahms and Liszt (who wouldn't be? - it's a bloody long Liszt)

*************************

"Prairie Oyster,
Tequila Slammer,
Kamikase,
Snakebite,
Flaming Lamborghini,
B-52,
Slippery Nipple,
Snakebite,
Cherry Bomb,
Coffee Kiss,
Sex on the Beach"...

***************************************************



"hey, it's not often I get to call the shots..."



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Monday, March 28, 2016

Does Mr miss Mrs? - er, no...

***************************************

Jane goes out of her
way to please me. Sadly, though,
she always comes back...

***************************************








(with me, it's 'out of sight, out of mind' - with her, 'it's out of sight, out of her mind')









('A little clingy? (I'm all heart, me)' : 17 Syllables)

Sunday, March 27, 2016

if music be the food of love, who the hell needs marine crustaceans?...

*******************************************

"I should never have
had those prawns," said Mahler, now
on his 5th movement...

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('Must have been in the wrong quay": 17 Syllables)

Saturday, March 26, 2016

anorexic chic? - it has its knockers...

**************************************

Flat-chested models?
They're nonentitties! Bring back
the fuller figure!

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- as pretty as a picture, but just look at that frame...









('Life on the cat(ty)walk': 17 Syllables)

Friday, March 25, 2016

who wants to marionette, anyway?...

 *********************************

Thunderbirds puppet
seeks no strings relationship.
(Mine are all broken)

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('It comes to us all eventually': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, March 24, 2016

a world all at sea...

************************************

IS strikes again -
Brussels now. For 'Planet Earth'
read 'Terror firma'...

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

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Don't complain if obtaining justice is a fairly
long process; complain if it's an unfairly long one...

*************************************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 23)

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

says "pleased to meet you" (thinks 'pleased to eat you')

******************************************

Me hungry. Ewe lamb....
Something tells me this friendship's
not going to last long...

******************************************


















('Baa baa-becue time': 17 Syllables)

Monday, March 21, 2016

from learning curves to yearning curves...

**********************************

At twelve I was quite
the egghead. By half-past I'd
discovered schoolgirls...

**********************************


















('Turning afternoons into laughternoons. Well, gigglenoons, anyway': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, March 20, 2016

call that music? - I call it annoys...

***************************************

I went clubbing last
night, and I pulled. The plug. The
music was rubbish...

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('Crap music shouldn't be allowed. Not aloud!': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, March 19, 2016

early learning (a tad too early?)

********************************

bringing a child to
book's never a problem - if
the book's Fanny  Hill...

********************************



















(17 Syllables)

Friday, March 18, 2016

Burma, otherwise known as...

*********************************

Me 'n' ma are off
on our hols soon. Haven't a
clue where to go, though...

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('Myanmar': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, March 17, 2016

doctors have a lot on their plate - and so, it seems, do their patients...

**************************

obesity: less
of an epidemic, more
a chip pan'demic...

**************************


















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

"I was framed!"...

*******************************

only a painting
can be hung long after it's
been executed..

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- that must be the one in the rogues gallery?...









(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

*********************************************************************

Money talks, all right - but the banks are its spokesmen.
And their monthly statements depress me.

*********************************************************************








(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 15)

Monday, March 14, 2016

mountin' excitement...

**********************************

I've made a model
of Mount Everest, mum. "To
scale?" No, to look at...

**********************************








(Not mine, sadly (99.6% of the others are), but I include it here, because I love it)









('Foreign climes': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, March 13, 2016

the deceased's wardrobe...

**************************************

no-one know what she
saw in these clothes, but what
I saw in them was her...

**************************************






- a grieving widower reflects...







('The first day of the rest of my life': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, March 12, 2016

a limerick, just for the hell of it...

***********************************************************

In a crumbling old palace called Buckingham
The Queen had some sweets and was sucking 'em.
But her ladies-in-waiting,
Who were keener on mating,
Just laughed as Philip tried...no, I can't do this.

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(I'm not a great limerick fan, to be honest)

Friday, March 11, 2016

my wife's a sex object (I'll want sex, she'll object)

***************************************

Rejected! (Sometimes
the spare bedroom's just that - a
room to go spare in!)

***************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, March 10, 2016

still, who gives a toffee?...

*****************************

"Is that a Werther's
Original?" - "No, dad. I'm
sure it's a copy"...

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

for those whose appetite is only for competition...

*****************************************

       --- Miss Anorexic ---
(Winner to win lose a few pounds -
          and get atrophy)

*****************************************


















('Miss Nuneaton? Still unbeaten!': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

(wet) dream homes...

**************************************

house (red), semi (skimmed),
flat (white)? - I'm really not sure
where I want to live...

**************************************


















(17 Syllables)

Monday, March 7, 2016

however hard the course, a chemotherapy course is harder...

**********************************

Great North Run: "Run for
your life! Better still, run for
someone else's life"...

**********************************


















('Running for charity': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, March 6, 2016

another 11 seconds of your life you'll never get back...

*******************************************

To rhyme in a poem with "anoint"
An "exhaust manifold joint"
Is really not on,
It's simply too long
(And besides, whatever's the point?)

*******************************************
















(33 Pointless Syllables)

Saturday, March 5, 2016

who gives a sausage?...

***********************************

Hot dogs make great fast
food. (But avoid chihuahuas -
they take twohuahuas)

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(17 Syllables)

Friday, March 4, 2016

sometimes "no sound" advice is better than sound advice...

************************************

ringing endorsements
for tinnitus cures drive me
mad! - "stop that ringing!"...

************************************


















('Suffering...ring...ring...ring...ring...': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, March 3, 2016

the party circuit - it's hardly Monza...

***********************************

most racing drivers
find lap dancing quite boring -
"what? just the one lap?"...

***********************************


















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

a grizzly end...

*******************************

"Bear right," read the sign.
So I did as I was told.
Straight into the bear...

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

no cache in the attic...

************************************

"Five years in jail for
something I didn't do!!!" "What
was that?" "Hide the loot"...

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(17 Syllables)