Saturday, April 30, 2016

Sir Michael, Sir Ian, Sir Tom: some great knights out...

****************************

The best thing about
winning a Bafta? Surely
the laughter afta?...

****************************

















('And the worst? The morning afta...': 17 Syllables)

Friday, April 29, 2016

world's shortest joke?...

----------------------------

Beer belly? Gym'll fix it.

----------------------------













Jimmy SoVILE - who knew?...

Thursday, April 28, 2016

man down - just the one, mercifully...

**************************

is an errorist
a suicide bomber who
kills only himself?...

**************************















('A grave error: his grave, his error': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

baa baa, black sheep...

*********************************

All alone in a
Zanzibar bar, black sheep of
the family, I write...

*********************************




(a 17-syllable, 3-line snapshot of yours truly taken about 10 years ago during a time-out from a 6-week Nairobi - Cape Town safari...6 weeks and 3 lines forever imprinted on my memory. Who needs cameras?...)
(Freddie Mercury's birthplace, incidentally)






(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Prince of Pop's purple reign ends in non-violet death...

*******************************

Prince, formerly known
as The Artist Formerly
Known As Prince, has died.

*******************************














(17 Syllables)

Monday, April 25, 2016

bread? "er, no"...jam? "no"...eggs? "no"...flour? "no"...

*********************************************

"You name it, we stock
it," he'd claimed. Two hours now, and
I've still not named it...

*********************************************

















('Stock answers (make that 'no stock' answers)': 17 Rather Sillybles)

Sunday, April 24, 2016

if you can't put it off, put it on...

**********************************

'Billets-doux': a French
word that often precedes the
use of French letters...

**********************************

















(17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 23, 2016

I just love what you billet-doux to me...

*******************************

if 'lust' is a four-
letter word, then I bet all
the letters are French...

*******************************

















('French letters - the 'post' of post-coital?': 17 Syllables)

Friday, April 22, 2016

taking a time-out...

******************************

I write, therefore I
am bic pentameter. But
sometimes I break free...

******************************
















(17 Syllables)

Thursday, April 21, 2016

********************************************

From week-old babies to weak, old
grandparents - it's the circle of life...

********************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 21)

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

typical 'Irish stewdent': quite a dish - but rather thick...

******************************************

Greek mythology,
I'm great at that. French, that's my
Achilles elbow...

******************************************


















(I know my parsnips, me. Or is it onions?: 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Ant quoits, anyone?...

**********************************

"All hands on Ant!" yelled
Dec. (Bloody hell - even they
get confused sometimes)

**********************************


















('All hands on deck!': 17 Syllables)

Monday, April 18, 2016

a fine example of (relation)shit counselling...

********************************

if you can't give your
women bags of attention,
then just give them bags...

********************************

















(17 Syllables)

Sunday, April 17, 2016

why you'll never die laughing...

***************************

Laughter's contagious.
But worry not - it's also
the best medicine...

***************************


















('Murder bad, manslaughter better': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 16, 2016

"piccalilli, sillibilli"...

************************************

"Piccalilli?" asked
the waitress. "I'll have the one
in your hand," I said...

************************************








- if you're going to tell a rather feeble joke, tell it with relish - preferably home-made...









('Take your pick-alilli': 17 Syllables)

Friday, April 15, 2016

***********************************************

I've just had to return my dog to
Battersea Dogs' Home. It was chipped...

***********************************************












(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 15)

Thursday, April 14, 2016

radiating good health...

*****************************

the one thing workers
in nuclear plants all fear
is a glowing future...

*****************************


















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

try heading it...

********************************
if there's one thing a
legless person can't do, it's
kick booze into touch...

********************************

















('If a bottle won't kill you, a lot'll': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

it's all about the speed of one's cash flow...

*******************************

is a very strong
current account as good as
an offshore account?...

*******************************

















(17 Syllables)

Monday, April 11, 2016

sex drive...

*******************************

don't take viagra
before driving - you'll only
try mounting the curb...

*******************************







(not to mention jumping the lights)










(17 Pretty Sillybles)

Sunday, April 10, 2016

I bought a Picasso and sold a Pica$$000,000...

******************************

appreciating
art: it's not just about art
appreciating...

******************************








- but it didn't exactly happen in the blink of a nose...









('Art appreciation': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 9, 2016

ice and a slice...

**************************

Man walks into bar.
It's a colour bar. So he
asks for an orange.

**************************
















(17 Rather Sillybles)

Friday, April 8, 2016

flattery gets you everywhere...

*******************************************************

To most people, I'm a perfect stranger.
To those who know me, I'm far from perfect...

*******************************************************












(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 8)

Thursday, April 7, 2016

welcome to my no current account (you're welcome to it)

******************************

I'm so poor, even
the TV's better off. Saves
on the leccy bill...

******************************


















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

*******************************************

It's not much fun being a
wind-up merchant in a digital age...

*******************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 5)

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

stiff upper lip? - no problem...

********************************

Seems everything gets
harder with age. Except for
one's 'manhood', sadly...

********************************


















('Keeping it up with the Joneses': 17 Syllables)

Monday, April 4, 2016

the pause button...

*************************************

Induced comas? I
think of them as 'com(m)as' - as
opposed to full stops...

*************************************















('Life goes on (one hopes)': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, April 3, 2016

a quiet night in...

*************************************

"You can make love, if
you want," she said. But I made
'vole'. We love scrabble...

*************************************


















('Did you score last night? Yes, 370': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, April 2, 2016

we've all been found wanting...

********************************

Sadly, this social
media frenzy has found the
human race wanting...

********************************


















...wanting more and more and more. Where will it all end?...

Friday, April 1, 2016

the (dead) slow lane...

******************************

Yes, I overtake
undertakers - so they can
rue my passing, too...

******************************

















(17 Syllables)