Tuesday, May 31, 2016

tip him too much and he'll fall over (himself to help you)

*************************************

the waiter came and
took our out of order: "chips,
peas, fish and twice, please"...

*************************************














(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Will voting to leave the EU make trading punches with them more expensive?...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday, May 30, 2016

**********************************************************

Poor old Miss Moneypenny. Forever investing
in Bonds that don't pay her quite enough interest.
She should check out the money pages...

**********************************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, May 29)

Sunday, May 29, 2016

(I love eu)phemisms...

********************************

My girlfriend says I'm
hahahandsome. I think she
means I look funny...

********************************













(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boris resorts to Hitler comparisons to back up his argument on behalf of Brexit.
And Wrecks it...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May 28, 2016

a shot glass, you say?...

*******************************

Waterford Crystal
that's been hit by a pistol -
is that a shot glass?...

*******************************














('The shot - the bulletin - the bullet out': 17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------
After his skiing accident, dad went downhill fast.
Broke the course record, in fact...
----------------------------------------------------------

Friday, May 27, 2016

**************************************************************

With Paul Gambaccini (67) taking over from Tony
Blackburn (73), shouldn't the iconic radio programme
now be called 'Pick of the grandPops'?...

**************************************************************










(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 26)

Thursday, May 26, 2016

I rang, you rang, the boomerang...

****************************************

"I'll get back to you,"
threatened the boomerang. - I
dropped the phone and ducked ...

****************************************








- bugger, that was quick!...









('I thought only ventriloquists threw their voices': 17 Pretty Sillybles)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can 'Mrs M&S' save Marks & Spencer? (News item). Maybe so.
If not, 'Mrs S&M' could always organise a whip-round...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

flimsy whimsy...

*****************************

my grandma used to
own a paper shop - till it
blew away one day...

*****************************







(So dad's now gone and bought 'er 
    a shop of bricks and mortar...)








('Far from stationery stationary': 17 Rather Sillybles)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If the Royal Mail needs just one person to deliver a letter, how many people are needed
to deliver a royal male? A team of 23, apparently, when it came to Price George...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

what were you thinking? (well, nothing, to be honest)

**********************************

cerebral streakers
delight in running round with
nothing on their mind...

**********************************













(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Looking at their Vogue party photos, when it comes to Cheryl, Lara,
Demi and Kim, 'fashionista' is clearly an incorrect form of a dress...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday, May 23, 2016

we were bound to change our minds...

*********************************

My girlfriend and I
weren't into bondage at all -
till we got roped in...

*********************************














(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adele's just been signed for £90m by Sony. Talk about being signed
for a song. Or two...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leonardo Dicaprio? Far and away the best celeb to pick up an environmental
campaigning award in New York. However far, he'll find a way...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...

********************************

a Mutant Turtle
clinic's the best place for a
ninja'd animal...

********************************













(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In swimming, some people will go to any lengths to win Gold. Why? One
is clearly enough, as Adam Peaty has just proved (50m breaststroke Gold)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So Manchester United paid Mourinho £4m to do nothing? I believe the
X Factor judges are on a similar deal...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm surprised Manchester United only paid Mourinho £4m for doing nothing.
They paid van Gaal far more to do the same...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May 21, 2016

he should give himself a group hug...

***********************************

my dad's a one-man
band: a drummer who likes to
blow his own trumpet...

***********************************















(A father figure to many (as in 'the farther the better'): 17 Syllables)

Friday, May 20, 2016

more carats, anyone?...

************************************

If "you are what you
eat", then why aren't I rich? All
the food I eat is...

************************************















('Rich food': 17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A government backed report suggests the growth of superbugs could lead to someone
dying every 3 seconds by 2050. Who the hell wants to die every 3 seconds?...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, May 19, 2016

3 short (waist)lines...

*******************************

I'll say this about
dietitians: they hate to
see food going to waist...

*******************************
















(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

*********************************************

"Whilst a firm friend is good company,
a firm is just a company"...

*********************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 17)

Monday, May 16, 2016

A farewell to Fatou, big sis Fartou Fatou - and the indomitable Isatoubab...

*****************************

On Wednesday I leave
The Gambia. Time to go
back to The England...

*****************************
















(17 Jolly Sillybles)

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Mr Vincent Hefter (and Guest)

**********************************

In an ideal world, marriage
should turn a wonderful life
into a (plus one)derful life...

**********************************











"marriage: turning a
wonderful life into a
(plus one)derful life"
------(Vincent Hefter)------

(17  Syllables)

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Confucius, he say...

**************************************

"Kung-Fu fighter, he
good. Dung-Fu fighter, he much
better - fight dirty"...

**************************************








(guess who's still in Hong Kong)









(Originally May, 2011: 17 Syllables. See May 14/15, Facebook)

Friday, May 13, 2016

lumberjacks aren't axed any more - they're chainsawed...

*************************************

I'm useless when it
comes to chopping wood. I just
can't seem to hack it...

*************************************
















('Slumberjacks do it in their sleep': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 12, 2016

having the drive to succeed...

**********************************

driving tests make a
crap hobby - try to make the
first one a pass time...

**********************************
















(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

merely a suggestion (on this, Bob Marley Day)

******************************

May 11: Bob
Marley Day. Feb 3: public
Buddy Holly day?...

******************************







- how better for Buddy Holly fans to celebrate February 3 than by having it off?...








(Seventeen rather sillybles)

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Private - Do Not Enter(tainment)

******************************************

Nothing beats a good
night out. So that's what we're both
going to do. Nothing!...

******************************************








...as I say, it sure as hell beats a good night out!...





 



(17 Syllables)

Friday, May 6, 2016

I haven't an invisible inkling what you're on about (or what you're on!)

**********************************

reading between the
lines, this must be one of my
best-ever couplets...

**********************************















('Blank verse':17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 5, 2016

two beats in a bar (deadbeats, by the sound of it)

*********************************

"My dad's a quick-step
dad-dancer." - "I didn't know
you had a step-dad"...

*********************************









(if dad-dancing's bad dancing, is step-dad dancing bad step dancing?)









('When the room for improvement's a (ball)room': 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

**************************************************************

When it comes to cash flow, a very strong current
account is probably as good as an offshore account...

**************************************************************












(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 3)

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Fantasy Football...

**************************************

"20,000 Leagues
Under the Sea? - WE COULD WIN
THEM ALL!" boast Leicester...

**************************************







- forget 'Jules Rimet', think 'Jules Verne'...







They've gone and done it,
good old Leicester! (All the rest
were second beicester)
(17 Syllables)

Monday, May 2, 2016

'Sexism in British Cycling' furore...

****************************************

Here's a suggestion -
why not make Shane Sutton 'Head
of Menstrual Cycling'?..

****************************************








- let the punishment fit the (perceived) crime...









(17 Syllables)

Sunday, May 1, 2016

barking up the wrong tree (or should I say 'shrub'?)

*****************************

"a 'collie flower' you
say? - is that the generic
term for a dog rose?"...

*****************************
















(17 Syllables)