Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Frenchship (Le Weekend Away)

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Salmon and eggs for breakfast!
It was really quite a treat...
(But our friends all came from Paris,
So they eight shredded huit)

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('A broad and three fellows': 17 Syllables)

Monday, November 28, 2016

plastic (not so) fantastic...

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Our marriage is just
like my brand new debit card
these days. Contactless...

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 (and just as stress-inducing)






(17 Syllables)

Sunday, November 27, 2016

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Where do black widow
spiders look for a mate? "On
the dark web, I guess"...

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(as for a new home, any old web site would do)







(17 Syllables)

Saturday, November 26, 2016

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What two words would you
say sum up pop (the question)
music? "Kneel, diamond!"...

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(17 Syllables)

Friday, November 25, 2016

turning the light off - and me on...

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my wife will only
make love in the dark - she hates
to see me happy...

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(17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 24, 2016

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"That's far too full!" complains my wife.
Every time I run a bath I get into hot water...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 24)

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

every cloud, as they say...

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Security firms
are making a bomb these days.
Which they then defuse...

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

guru, teacher, guide, dickhead...

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"never go swimming
after a meal, or jogging
after a burglar"...

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("Stop, thief!" he whispered: 17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Near the entrance to Richmond Park there's a "No Parking By This Bend" sign.
Just round the corner a keep-fit class was going on. "No Bending By This Park,"
I felt like shouting...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday, November 21, 2016

Robbin' in Da Hood...

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Modern-day Robin
Hoods now take from the rich and
give to the pawn shops...

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(17 Syllables)

Sunday, November 20, 2016

if you go down to the beach today...

**********************************

Danger, No Swimming!
If the crime wave doesn't get
you, the RIP tide will...

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(17 Rather Sillybles)

Saturday, November 19, 2016

reach for the sta(i)rs - the Fred Astaires...

*****************************

if you want to reach
the top as a dancer, take
the Fred Astaircase...

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(17 Syllables)

Friday, November 18, 2016

old age: the age-old problem...

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I'm 47.
Except in Tuesdays, of course,
when I meet sarah...

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('The camera never lies - but hey, I do':17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 17, 2016

bags of time - and padded, too!...

***************************

they said they'd send it
to me in a Jiffy, but
it's still not arrived...

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

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90% of atoms arrested by the police are not
charged. But they'll still keep an ion them...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 15)

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

no wonder he's flagging...

******************************

wow, such pressure! - an
assistant referee's job's
always on the line...

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(17 Syllables)

Monday, November 14, 2016

no money, no honey...

*******************************

Want to get stung? Have
a bee venom facial: three
hundred pounds, at least!

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('They must have seen me coming': 17 Syllables)

Sunday, November 13, 2016

like a kid in a suite shop...

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Damn! Our new puppy's
eaten the sofa! That's one
hell of a suite tooth!...

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(17 Syllables)

Saturday, November 12, 2016

The Debating Society...

**************************

"Field event are not
nearly as absorbing as
track events". Discus.

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(17 Syllables)

Friday, November 11, 2016

stupid knit...

******************************

I always thought a
cardiologist was a
girl who made cardies...

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('Well, she certainly puts her heart into it': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 10, 2016

rugby un_on (i left at half-time)

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Rugby Union's
so boring. If you've seen one
scrum, you've seen the maul...

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(I love the sport, to be honest: 17 Syllables)

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

one of her 5-a-day insults...

*******************************

My wife's the apple
of my eye. But, to her, I'm
an ugli fruit. Bitch...

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

still, it's pleasant enough, I suppose...

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Why is cordial a
cold drink? Isn't it meant to
be warm and friendly?...

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(17 Syllables)

Monday, November 7, 2016

Couch potato? Or three-piece sweet potato?...

********************************

I'm addicted to
furniture stores. Talk about
having a suite tooth!...

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(17 Syllables)

Sunday, November 6, 2016

will this get me into hot water?...

**********************************

A watched kettle...is
probably pretty hot. I
know watched women are...

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(17 Syllables)

Saturday, November 5, 2016

the height of fashion...

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if a new dress suits
you down to the ground, why wear
it only knee-length?...

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('XXLent choice, madam': 17 Syllables)

Friday, November 4, 2016

what, the ones the engine keeps cutting out?...

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"Do you ever buy
Lawnmower's Weekly?" - "No, dad
sends me the cuttings"...

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(17 Syllables)

Thursday, November 3, 2016

making "all" the difference...

**********************************

My girlfriend was all
over me once. Now she's just
over me. Fine lines...

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

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kleptomaniacs take most things in their
stride (if no-one's looking)

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 1)

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

thirsty work, this Crusading lark...

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"Fifteen pints, nine gins
and a Whisky Mac, please": the
Order of the Knights...

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(17 Syllables)