Saturday, December 31, 2016

my perennial old chestnut - how I've missed you...

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I always Knew Years'
resolutions to give up
on puns wouldn't work...

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(17 Perennially Sillybles)

Friday, December 30, 2016

caution doesn't run in her family - it crawls...

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timid drivers drive
their passengers round the bend -
so very slowly...

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(17 Syllables)

Thursday, December 29, 2016

genius doesn't come cheap...

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"My brain hurts," I told
the consultant. "It's all in
your head," he told me...

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

yeah, right...

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'Wish you were here,' I
write. (I like to lie in the
sun. Just white lies, though)

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 (17 Sillybles)

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

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Christmas always falls on the 25th. So
does dad. Can't take his drink, bless him...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 27)

Monday, December 26, 2016

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Mr and Mrs Jones are so close, they even finish
each other's sentences. Which doesn't say much
for prison security...

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Sunday, December 25, 2016

quite a wit, was A.N.Other...

**************************

the list of famous
unattributable quotes
goes on...anon..an...

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(17 Syllables)

Saturday, December 24, 2016

when the Christmas spirit's 63% proof...

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Christmas always falls
on the 25th. So does
dad. No head for booze...

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(17 Seasonal Sillybles)

Friday, December 23, 2016

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Reliable parachutes always let you down...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 23)

Thursday, December 22, 2016

a work of fiction...

****************************

I've just entered a
short story competition.
And won! This is it.

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

we tend to make a meal of it...

*******************************

organising a
meal by the riverside's no
picnic, believe me...

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Three UK...

***************************************

Two's company, three's
 ...a company, too, right? Three.
co.uk

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(Just sayin': 17 Syllables)

Monday, December 19, 2016

she nearly ran out of gas, to be honest...

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"My sister used to
go speed-dating" - "Really? How fast?" -
"Twenty males an hour"...

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(17 Syllables)

Sunday, December 18, 2016

bugger!...

******************************

Any Tom, Dick or
Harry can write a haiku.
Sadly, my name's Jerr...

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(17 Syllables)

Saturday, December 17, 2016

[ ]

*******************************

The photo above
was taken by a thief. Dad
took the other ones...

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('Note the use of colour': 17 Syllables)

Friday, December 16, 2016

"just how fast IS fast?" asked the runner bean...

***********************************

My weight problem? It's
not from eating fast food, it's
from eating food fast...

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('Cooked in minutes, gone in seconds': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, December 15, 2016

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Are blueberries and gooseberries
brought up to respect their elderberries?

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 14)

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

she who must be - ignored?...

*****************************

"Too full, Vince!" (When 
I run a bath I always 
get into hot water.)

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

trespassers will be prosecuted...

**************************************

Hey, you! Get out of
that hammock! I said "sling your
hook!" not "hook your sling"...

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(17 Sillybles)

Monday, December 12, 2016

tel: me it isn't so...

*****************************************

"I'm sick of f*cking
cold callers," moaned my wife. "So
stop f*cking them, dear"...

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(17 Syllables)

Sunday, December 11, 2016

so's dad - so it must have been him!...

*************************************

Blimey! There's so much
booze in our Christmas cake it's
half-cut already!...

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(17 Syllables)

Saturday, December 10, 2016

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Time flies, yet it's never read a book
in its life. So why the hell can't I when
I've been studying gravity for years?...

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(Talking of which, why are books about anti-gravity so hard to put down?)

Friday, December 9, 2016

when the topic's the tropics...

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Have you got a fan
in your bedroom? Yes. At least,
she says she's a fan...

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('Tourist groupies':17 Syllables)

Thursday, December 8, 2016

unperturbed & breakfast...

*******************************

Jane loves me making
her breakfast in bed. Even
helps balance the stove...

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(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

if at first you don't succeed, tough!...

**********************************

Judges can't try, try
and try again. Thank God for
double jeopardy!...

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(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

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"Is jelly a set
meal?" - Yes, if you leave it in
the fridge long enough...

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(17 Rather Sillybles, Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 6)

Monday, December 5, 2016

post-coital, and still touchy-feely?...

*****************************

I thought she might like
a hair of the dog - so I
pawed her a bit more...

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(talk about heavy petting)






(17 Syllables)

Sunday, December 4, 2016

my vet - he's barking, if you ask me...

*********************************

A dog's stool should be
solid. "Just in case someone
wants to sit on it"...

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(17 Syllables)

Saturday, December 3, 2016

3 lines - and a short sentence to follow?...

*************************************

"How do you plead?" asked
the judge. "Guilty, honour your
not." "Out of order!"...

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(17 Syllables)

Friday, December 2, 2016

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Most people want to leave their mark
on the world. Sometimes it turns out to
be a stain...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 2)

Thursday, December 1, 2016

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My wife's just bought a racehorse.
Now she's saddled with debt...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 30)