Wednesday, May 31, 2017

enough to drive 'em barking mad?...

***********************************

a sheepdog's job is
not straightforward at all: far
too many ewe-turns...

***********************************









(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

the thrill of the chaste (1 & 2)

-------------------------------------

"You'll never guess how
prim my girlfriend is!"..."Just a
touch?"..."Not even that!"...

------------------------------------

those who are chaste so
often aren't - I talk, of course,
of my maiden aunt...

------------------------------------

(17 Syllables x 2)

Monday, May 29, 2017

tee-hee...

*********************************************

"I played golf with some
colleagues yesterday."..."Foursome?"...
"No, they wanted to"...

*********************************************









(17 Syllables)

Sunday, May 28, 2017

*********************************************************

The UK's first 'gender-fluid' police officer can
work as a man or a woman (Mail). How very PC.

*********************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 26, and 'Quotes of the Day', Courier & Advertiser, May 27)


-----------------------------------------------------------
(Rejected as 'a bit too edgy', apparently: "why is it
suddenly 'trendy to be bendy' (Mail)? For years now,
my wife has bent over backwards to help me. But
not every night") Point taken...
-----------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Hot Chocolate, anyone?...

*************************************

Marmalade, Jam, Meat
Loaf, Bread: wow, music really
is the food of love!...

*************************************










(17 Syllables)

Friday, May 26, 2017

it had to be one or the other...

*******************************

I never picked my
nose as a youngster. I had
my chance, but  blew it...

*******************************









(17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 25, 2017

a stone's throw from the bus stop...

*****************************

you should never miss
a bus - even moving, it's
such a large target...

*****************************








(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

shouldn't have been there in the first place...

***********************************

The obese rarely
have a chip on their shoulder
for long. Too tempting......

**********************************








(17 Syllables)

Friday, May 19, 2017

size really does matter...

***********************************

They won't let me keep
large pets in my flat. So meet
Charlie. He's my newt...

***********************************









(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

*********************************************************************

WORDY WISE, Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 17:
INNgredients: beer, wine, spirits, etc...
INNaccessible: there's a ramp to the public bar...
INNactive: opening times...
INNcentive: happy hour...
INNcident: bar brawl...
INNsider: home-made scrumpy...etc, etc, you get the idea.

*********************************************************************




(Bloody hell, I must have submitted this well over a year ago!)

Sunday, May 14, 2017

 ---------------------------------------------------------------
"So now you can buy a coffeemaker that imprints
a selfie on to your cappuccino? Sorry, not my cup
of tea, I'm afraid"...

(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, May 14)

(What they should have opted for: "Knowing I like my
pint to have a good head on it, my wife can now make
my cappuccino with an even better head on it. Hers!")

No accounting for taste...
----------------------------------------------------------------



Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Trump sacks FBI chief (news item)

*****************************

'firing people with
enthusiasm' takes on
a whole new meaning...

*****************************









('It's an ever-growing list': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, May 4, 2017

****************************

"How long have I had
amnesia? For as long as
I can't remember"...

****************************









(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 4)