Friday, June 30, 2017

******************************************************

'Milionares, lifes, tragedys?' - if the
placard-waving Day of Rage protesters
think this is class war (Daily Mail), I can only
assume they mean 'bottom of the class' war...

******************************************************








(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 26)

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Our current PM's travails...

********************************************************

If a week's a long time in politics, just imagine
how long a month is! Except for May, of course.
I doubt May will last that long...

********************************************************


A week's a long time
in politics. Not all months
are: May won't last long!



(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

******************************************************

Hard not to relate to last week's article in
You magazine: 'No sex, please, we're married'.
How many other readers' marriages are just
like their brand new credit cards: contactless?
Join the club!...

******************************************************








(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, June 25)

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

*******************************************************

"And here's the 51st fact you never knew about
ATMs (Mail): only a nutcase tries to withdraw
cashews from a hole-in-the-walnut"...

*******************************************************









(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 23)

Monday, June 26, 2017

hey, can't you stay a shade...well, darker?...

*********************************

my tan behaves like
a call-girl: it comes quickly
- and leaves just as fast!...

*********************************








(17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 25, 2017

**********************************************************

WORDY WISE, Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 22:
INNcognito: snug bar...
INNcur: landlord's dog...
INNcurious: a stranger walks into the bar...

**********************************************************


(Following on from  17/5/2017 and 3/6/2017. Why did the Daily Mail split them so weirdly?)

Saturday, June 24, 2017

caught! - it's just not cricket...

***********************************

the food in my bag
wasn't bought - if my case is
not dropped, then it's court...

***********************************









(17 Syllables)

Friday, June 23, 2017

should have been filmed by Zephyrelli......

*******************************************

I hear writing 'Gone
With The Wind' was a breeze  - from
the very first draft...

*******************************************








(17 Rather Sillybles)

Thursday, June 22, 2017

lack of a motion...

****************************************

"The living statue's
still there!" - "So what? It's his job
to be still. Somewhere."

****************************************









(17 Syllables)

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

******************************************************************

"More spiralised squash, palmyra jaggery or coconut
nectar crystals, anyone?"...rest assured, Amelia Freer,
I, for one, won't be calling upon your services any time
soon if that's what you recommend for a trimmer figure.
If anyone really wants to be shrunk this way,
I suggest they go see a shrink!

******************************************************************








(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, June 18)

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

masque-raid...

****************************************

'if no-one pulls it
off,' thought the masked robber, 'I
might just pull it off'...

****************************************









(17 Syllables)

Monday, June 19, 2017

sound radio - unsound mind?...

******************************

Radio 4: "the
following report contains
flash photography"...

******************************









(17 Syllables)

Sunday, June 18, 2017

the only thing I'm working out is how NOT to!...

*****************************

Skipping training's great!
(Cardiovascularly,
you just can't beat it!)

*****************************









('In the gym': 17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 17, 2017

something about nothing...

*****************************************

'nothing' backwards is
'gnihton' - which is weird, as that
means nothing, either...

*****************************************









(17 Rather Sillybles)

Friday, June 16, 2017

*************************************************************

Can a photo of scantily-clad 1950s showgirls playing
chess be classified as pawnography? (Tory MP caught
taking a peek in House of Commons)

*************************************************************









(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 16)

Thursday, June 15, 2017

************************************************

Wow! Times New Roman! Just my type...

************************************************









(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 15)

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

when a relationshit hits the fan...

************************************

if you have it in
for somebody, should you have
it out with them first?...

************************************









(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

ever the optimist...

*****************************

most relationships
end in calamity - or,
even worse, marriage...

*****************************









(17 Syllables)

Monday, June 12, 2017

*********************************************

So Gordon Ramsay's father-in-law
is now doing porridge (Mail). I wonder
if Gordon's given him any tips?...

*********************************************









(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 12)

Sunday, June 11, 2017

eyes and teas...

*********************************

to cross your 't's and
dot your i's is really hard
when you cross your eyes...

*********************************









(17 Sillybles)

Saturday, June 10, 2017

and windfall apples, of course...

********************************************

to me, expensive
things aren't dear - what's dear to me
is free: air, love, speech...

********************************************









(17 Syllables)

Friday, June 9, 2017

*****************************************************

Britt Ekland apparently calls her dog David
Bowie (Mail). Myself, I would have gone with
David Bow-wow-ie...

*****************************************************








(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 9)

Thursday, June 8, 2017

caravanning - what's not to love?...

*******************************

the home's tyred, the kids
are all in, and the driver?
- he's ready to go!...

*******************************









(17 Sillybles)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So Gordon Ramsay's father-in-law is now doing porridge (news item).
I wonder if Gordon's given him any tips?...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

******************************************************************************

"So what if TV weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker confuses summer
and winter (Mail)? He's only human - not an autumnaton!...

******************************************************************************








(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 6)

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

white (di)van man...

******************************

seems some folk on the
dole do have a job: a job
getting out of bed...

******************************








(17 Syllables)

Monday, June 5, 2017

********************************************************

"Drink World Cola and make your dreams come
true," proclaim the posters in Gambia. Well, I'm
still waiting. Just how many f****** bottles do
you have to drink!?...

********************************************************

Sunday, June 4, 2017

you have male...

******************************************

"My deer Rudolph"..."My
deer Prancer"...(sounds pretty much
like a hart to hart)

******************************************









(17 Syllables)

Saturday, June 3, 2017

******************************************************************************

Wordy Wise, Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 1 (continuing
the May 17 list, though why they split them, heaven only knows)
INNclination: leaning on the bar...
INNcoherent: it's the drink talking...
INNconsistent: always a great pint...OK, I think that's enough now.

******************************************************************************


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Donald Trump says he's open to re-negotiating entry to the Paris Accord.
When would that be, exactly? When the climate's right?...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Butter prices have soared by more than 53% (news item)...
Spread the word! (And the word's 'marge')
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you, British Airways, for separating me from my bags for such a
long time. But don't worry, I made do with the ones under my eyes I got
from sleeping on the airport floor...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's not exported food 'going off' Britain has to worry about. Imported
guns going off, that's the problem...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, June 2, 2017

Tiger Woods on DUI charge (news item)

********************************

Asleep at the wheel,
Tiger Woods? Still averse to
using your driver?...

********************************









(17 Syllables)

Thursday, June 1, 2017

putting food on the table...

****************************************

all things come to those
who wait - but who the hell wants
to be a waiter?...

****************************************










(17 Sillybles)